Posts by Ashley:
- You like to DIY. It’s fun for you and you’re good at it. Hey, if you like doing it and it relaxes you, you should!
- You have plenty of time to DIY. If you’re engagement is super long and you can take your time with stuff, by all means, go for it.
- Your concept for your wedding is so unique that you can’t find vendors to do what you want to do.
- You find that you can actually save money by doing it yourself. But do your research on this one – price out a few vendors and price out doing it yourself. You might be surprised.
- Ask questions. And not just the standard weddingy questions. Ask if they believe in wedding equality. Ask if they’ve ever catered or photographed a same-sex commitment ceremony. If they say absolutely not, move on and find someone who shares your beliefs. Supporting those vendors with your money can be more powerful than anything you’ve done yourself.
- Shop around. There are a lot of vendors out there that can save you a lot of money. As I said above, our invitations and flowers were created by women who work out of their home and, therefore, didn’t have a ton of overhead costs and could give us awesome products at about half the price.
- Look into paper-free options. There are some really awesome web-stationery companies out there. And you can always send a few paper invites to people who don’t use the computer. Or send paper invites and ask for electronic RSVPs.
- Use friends and family who are professionals. This doesn’t necessarily save you money, but wouldn’t you rather know exactly where your money is going rather than pay someone you don’t know?
- Not everyone loves dogs. (This one is true even if someone is walking a dog.)
- No one loves your dog as much as you do.
- Not every dog loves dogs.
- When your dog tries to say “hi” to another dog, you reassure the other dog owner that your dog is friendly.
- If your dog is not friendly, shorten his or her leash and keep walking. Similarly, if you see someone shorten a dog’s leash and keep walking, you should keep walking, too.
- I’m not saying men don’t do domestic work. I know they do – Tim does. And I’m not saying men don’t stay at home while their wives go to work. They do. But, unfortunately, we still live in a society where women do (and are expected to do) most of the housework. ↩
But Girls Can’t Be President!
July 18th, 2011
Katie being silly on the train to Chicago, 2008.
Tim and I spent some time at his grandfather’s birthday party this weekend. It was really fun to see all of his extended family, especially his 8-year-old cousin, Katie. She is awesome, and if I ever have a daughter, I want her to be just like Katie. Totally strong-willed, outgoing, independent, hilarious, and can definitely hold her own. She has two older brothers, so she had to learn all this pretty quick but, from what I hear, she was pretty much just born this way.
My father-in-law, Mike, was giving Katie a hard time about something, and she was arguing back. He said, “Katie, you’d make a great politician.” She paused, thought for a second, and said, “I don’t even know what that is.” He tried to explain to her about being elected and running for office and, in the case of many Illinois politicians, going to jail. She just sort of frowned at him, so I said, “Katie, you could be president!”
“Um, not really,” she told me. “Girls can’t be president.”
“What? Who told you that??” I wanted to know.
“No one,” she said, “but I’ve never seen a girl president.”
“Well, you’re right, but just because there hasn’t been a girl president doesn’t mean you can’t. It means you could be the very first one!”
“That’s right,” echoed my father-in-law. “You can do whatever you set your mind to!”
“Oh. OK. Cool!” she said, and ran off to play with the other kids.
I don’t usually get to have conversations like this with kids. I’m so used to working with high school students that I sometimes forget that kids tend to believe what they see, and they use that as a frame of reference. No one had to tell Katie that girls couldn’t be president; she just hadn’t ever seen one and assumed that was the case. And, to an 8-year-old, that makes perfect sense. If girls can be president, why aren’t there any? Embedded sexism in our society doesn’t matter to her. If you can do it, you do. If you can’t, you don’t.
I know most of you don’t need another reminder to constantly tell our girls that they can do and be anything, but I wanted to share this story because it did serve as a reminder to me. By the time I get my students, most of the girls have been told this already, so it doesn’t come as a surprise to them. But Katie, one of the most empowered, driven young girls I know, thought women couldn’t be president because she hadn’t ever seen one. No one told her this or put down her dreams, she just knows what she sees and makes her own assumptions.
So, be sure to tell your little girls that they can, in fact, be president, or anything else for that matter! Just because they can’t see it doesn’t mean they can’t dream it and do it.
Quick Hit: Couples Save More Than Singles
July 16th, 2011
Apparently, couples have significantly more saved for retirement than singles. Personally, I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to figure out that dual income = more money = more saved. Also, factor in that a woman makes $0.77 to every dollar a man makes, and you have a big reason why single women without advanced degrees don’t have enough money for retirement, as this article states. So, I didn’t see this study as particularly ground-breaking, but I’m interested to hear what you think.
On NOT Doing a DIY Wedding
July 15th, 2011As feminists, I think we have a tendency to make a lot of things ourselves. This only makes sense because we are socially conscious people. We want to lessen our impact on the environment, so we grow our own gardens and eat local food. We don’t want to support certain companies that have unjust policies, so we make our own peanut butter. This also has a practical implication, as well. Many feminists work in careers that don’t pay much, so having an herb garden, for example, is a necessity if you want fresh herbs. (Have you ever bought fresh herbs at the supermarket? $5 for a tiny packet of basil you can use about one time?! No thanks.)
When feminists plan weddings, this tendency is no different. We want to minimize the impact we make on the environment and our wallets, so we think, Wow, if I did this myself, it would be much better than paying someone to do it for me.
I’m here to say it’s OK if you don’t feel that way. I didn’t. And I don’t regret it.
You can go ahead and comment away and call me selfish or spoiled and tell me about all the food our vendors probably wasted and how we wasted money having other people take pictures for us and how we created a terrible impact on the environment with all those paper invitations and how we could have just gotten beautiful flowers from the farmer’s market and created our own bouquets. But hear me out, first.
This might come as a shock to some people, but DIY does not necessarily save the world. This is first and foremost in my argument that it’s OK not to DIY your entire wedding. There are a lot of hidden costs to doing it yourself. People don’t usually think about the added cost of materials, equipment, etc.? If you’re making all of your own invitations, you still need to buy the paper, and probably a special tool to cut it nicely, and glue, and any accessories you want to attach. And what about the costs you don’t think about? What happens if you screw something up? You’re wasting all that stuff and costing yourself more money and time. Speaking of time, do you know how much time it takes to actually print, fold, cut, stuff, and mail invitations? That stuff would take me months, and it still wouldn’t end up looking the way I wanted it to look. And that’s just one part of the wedding! What about the dress, flowers, music, food, cake, decorations, photos, videos… and I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting. Sure, doing some of that yourself can save you tons of money. We lucked out and got our place cards as part of an invitation package with our vendor (who made those invitations pretty much at cost, actually saving us money), so we didn’t pay much more for them, but would making them myself have saved money? Maybe. Would writing all the names and table numbers on a huge chalkboard outside of the reception area have saved money? Definitely. But that’s more about having a creative idea rather than DIY. And, frankly, my handwriting sucks, so I would have had to have someone else do that for me, anyway.
Which brings me to my next point. I’m not that crafty. I mean, I’m kind of crafty. I have visions of things that are pretty creative, and I can usually execute those visions decently well, but it takes hours and hours of painstaking frustration. See, I’m a perfectionist. If something wasn’t exactly right, I would have lost it. I couldn’t even bring myself to write out my own place cards or hand address the envelopes for the invitations because my handwriting sucks so bad. OK, OK, it’s not that bad. But you know those professors who commented in the margins of your papers and you had to spend a few minutes deciphering what the comments said? Yea, that’s me. I also can’t cut on straight lines or color within the lines, either. So handwriting things was out. I also lack the patience necessary to fold those cool paper flowers that last you forever (But there’s an environmental impact with those, too! They’re paper!), and I definitely lack the ability to incorporate my mom’s wedding veil into a bouquet as well as our florist (who also made our bouquets pretty much at cost, by the way) did.
See how it loops in there, and then is wrapped perfectly around the stems? Yea, I could not have done that.
Now, I know we could have asked family and friends to help us do these things. And I do have some pretty crafty family and friends. We did do some of that, actually. My brother and his friends were DJs (since they do that sort of thing all the time), my brother’s girlfriend made the cupcakes and cake (since she works at a cupcake shop), my uncle did the ceremony, my cousin took our engagement pictures (but wanted to be a guest at the wedding rather than a vendor, and who could blame him for that?). But asking a friend or family member to create the programs and invitations and place cards just seemed too much to ask. Asking them to host and cook for a backyard wedding seemed too much, too. We could have asked, and they would have delivered, but we wanted the day to be stress-free for them as well as for us.
Which brings me to my third point: Stress. This may be shocking to you all, but I am generally a big ball of stress. I kind of hate planning big events, even though I love actually executing them. Finding vendors to do these things for us was stressful enough; I can’t imagine actually doing it all myself. Plus, lots of these things can’t be done until just before the wedding – the flowers, the food, the place cards, etc. I don’t know about you brides out there, but just before our wedding, I was a mess. Or a zombie. It sort of alternated. I was in no state to cook and create. I doubt my resting heart rate got below 100 beats per minute the entire two weeks before the wedding. And that was about the time when everything was already done and taken care of.
Here’s the thing. Obviously I’m not talking about a self-hosted wedding here. I think some of the coolest weddings I’ve seen are outdoor BBQ style, and those are also somehow the most relaxed (which I also think depends on the demeanor of the bride and the demeanor of whoever is doing the actual hosting). If that’s your thing, that’s awesome. Go for it. Do it how you want to do it. I’m talking about having a large, traditional wedding with all of the traditional wedding stuff and creating or doing all of the stuff yourself. It just isn’t necessary if you don’t want to do it.
There are, of course, a few great reasons to DIY your wedding:
Just don’t decide to DIY a wedding because you’re good at doing stuff but secretly hate it, or because you think everyone will think you’re cool. If you DIY a wedding, you should be proud of yourself for that accomplishment, but if you don’t, you can still be proud of yourself for putting together a great event.
If you choose not to DIY, here are some tips for finding vendors that keep you socially, economically, and environmentally conscious:
Creating your own wedding is a huge accomplishment, and shouldn’t be put down. However, hiring vendors and putting together your wedding that way can be just as huge an accomplishment, and shouldn’t be put down either. And there are ways to remain socially conscious while doing so. As long as you know your limits and abilities, you should feel comfortable doing whatever you want to do.
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Getting Our Groove
July 12th, 2011
My workspace. Shared with the bed and Tim's green chair.
I am having one of those my-pants-don’t-fit-right, I-didn’t-even-want-to-stand-up-to-shower-this-morning-let-alone-deal-with-anything, I-don’t-want-to-talk-to-anyone days. You know the sort. I’m sure you’ve been there before.
As a teacher, these days are particularly challenging. At my job, I can’t avoid dealing with things or talking to people because, well, my job is to deal with things and talk to people. If I can plan for movies or group projects on those days, I do, but mostly I just have to suck it up and do my job. And it usually turns out OK.
As a wife, these days are even more difficult. Especially in the summer. Especially when Tim’s summer job is over and he is home. All. Day.
I love my husband. Deeply, madly, dearly, I love him. I love him even more when I don’t come home from the gym
Tim's workspace on the other side of the room.
to find the kitchen a mess because he set up his newest project and when he isn’t running the paper shredder at 10:30 in the morning. Zzzzzzzz-Zzzzzzzz-Zzzzzzzz. I don’t know if it’s the noise or the unexpected nature of the sound that gets to me more. You never quite know when the thing is going to turn on; it certainly isn’t the rhythmic type of noise you can tune out.
Sitting here, listening to the paper shredder drown out the awesomeness of the mix CD I’m listening to, I’m thinking there is absolutely no way we can possibly ever retire. Not because of money. No, we are well prepared in terms of retirement money (or, at least, we will be – we have accounts and all that). We can’t retire because I don’t know how I can possibly spend every minute of every day in the same house as him. As anyone, for that matter!
When you live in a two-bedroom apartment with the love of your life, and neither of you have any plans of leaving the apartment in any given day, it is literally impossible to avoid each other. Even if you can’t see each other, you can hear each other. Or you can hear the sports radio blasting from the other room, even when he’s doing something else like talking on the phone. And then you think you’re all smart and say, “If you’re not listening to that, can you turn it off? Do you even know what they’re saying?!” and he comes back and tells you exactly what they were just saying because he’s a dude, and dudes have an inexplicable way of multi-tasking ONLY when it comes to sports. Yea, that was stereotyping and a bit sexist. Whatever. It’s true and you know it.
People ask me what we need a house for if we don’t want kids. I say, we need a house so we can possibly be on separate floors during the day. So Tim can have his man cave in the basement for when his friends come over so I don’t have to retreat to the bedroom while they drink beers and play video games. So I can have an office that I don’t have to share with his desk and the guest bed and his god-awful ugly green “reading chair” that he does not ever use, to read or otherwise. I mean, we inherited each other’s stuff (and I had a lot of ugly stuff, too), but does that mean I have to look at that thing every day?
I’m just saying, it’s possible to love someone so much it hurts. And it can hurt good and hurt bad. No one ever tells you that when you first get married. They tell you he’ll always be there for you, but they don’t tell you he’ll always be there. And they don’t tell you how to deal with it, either, when all you need in the world is a few minutes alone to collect your thoughts.
We’re still getting our groove together, and just when we think we’ve gotten it, something changes and we have to re-groove. We’ve only lived together for a year, and I’m just now feeling comfortable enough to tell him honestly when I need to be left alone. And he’s just now understanding that this doesn’t mean I’m mad at him or upset at anything at all. It just means I need silence for an hour or so just to remind myself to breathe.
People say that the groove comes with time. They say you get into a rhythm together and everything eventually just works. I hope they’re right, but in a way, I hope they’re wrong, too. As annoying as it is to bump into him every time we are both in the kitchen, there is something exciting about the unexpectedness of it all, the randomness. I get bored with too much predictability, anyway. Like Tim says, “Let’s shake things up.”
Is it possible to get to a place that’s comfortable enough not to be irritatingly unpredictable, but unpredictable enough to not be irritatingly boring?
I hope so. I really hope so. And I think if anyone can do it, it’s us. Because, most of the time, when I bump into him in the kitchen, he hugs me. And mostly what I need more than to be alone is a good hug.
I’ll just have to remind myself of that the next time Tim decides he wants to shred all of the papers in the apartment.
Bragging Rights
July 11th, 2011Check me out! (I’m going to brag a little. Feel free to pat me on the back in the comments. 😉 )
Today, I’m a featured blogger on BlogHer’s Love & Sex page. Here’s what they had to say about me (which I may actually just steal…):
“Ashley Lauren is a feminist and social activist who recently got married. She blogs about the changes she’s experiencing in this new life, including whether she wants to have children. At times funny, at others incisive, her writing is honest and accessible — an unintentional handbook for the modern woman navigating marriage.”
Pretty sweet, huh?
Also, my article about retouching photos that I wrote for Gender Across Borders is now being featured in the Ms. Magazine Blog’s Media section.
It’s been a pretty exciting week over here. Just thought I’d share. 🙂
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When it Comes Down to it, Name Changes are Deeply Personal
July 11th, 2011I recently came across this article about reasons why women keep their names when they get married, and I thought it was a good time to revisit the name change debate.
It’s not a bad article (aside from the fact that it cites a FOX News article on the topic as a credible source), and if you want to take a couple of seconds to look at it, I’ll wait here for you.
But the thing that bugs me about the article, and society itself, is that everyone expects that you can put women who keep their maiden names in a little box, tie it with a ribbon, and that’s that. Let’s outline seven reasons why women keep their names? Saying that is just like saying “here are seven reasons why couples don’t have children,” or “here are seven reasons why couples decide to cohabit but not get married.” As if there were only seven reasons or as if these seven reasons are the most important or most common. As if these decisions aren’t deeply personal.
I know women who have struggled immensely with the decision to change their names, and have decided to change it.
I know women who have changed their name to their husband’s and then changed it back.
I know women who changed their name, and had that name longer than they had their maiden names, got divorced, and changed their name back.
I know women who have combined names, hyphenated names, kept their names as middle names.
I know women – I am a woman – who kept their names all together.
And not once, when asked why they made the decision they did (as if it were anyone’s business), did I hear them say, “Because the bureaucratic pressures to change your name aren’t as strong as one might think” or “The act defines our society as patriarchal.”(Well, OK, I’ve heard that second one, but the decision is often more personal than that when you get down to the bottom of it.)
They say, “I always dreamed of being Dr. Myname. I never dreamed of being Dr. Hisname.”
They say, “Have you ever tried teaching high school with the last name Cox? Yea, it’s about as fun as it sounds, so I changed it.”
They say, “I hyphenated our names because I added him to my life; adding his name felt right. Like a combination.”
The decision is personal. Deeply personal. Cannot be pinned into a list, personal. And it both affects your life enormously, and doesn’t affect it at all.
My decision to keep my name has had interesting (and often infuriating) consequences. Reactions ranging from, “What kind of man would let his wife do that?” to “Oh, well that makes sense because you’re a writer,” to “Oh, I guess we all know who wears the pants in that family,” to “Good for you” make conversations on the topic unpredictable, to say the least. And that’s not even including discussions on Mrs. versus Ms. and how I am not Mrs. Timothy Hisname, even though I married Mr. Timothy Hisname. How does that even work?
These conversations have affected my life a lot, because I’ve had to have so many of them. The decision has also had some other interesting consequences that I wouldn’t have even dreamed of. It has made it impossible for Tim to check into hotel rooms if I’ve made the reservation, for example. (They cited estranged or abusive boyfriends trying to check in to find their ex girlfriends’ rooms, but an estranged or abusive husband who still shares the name of his ex wife can find her, no problem, because they still have the same name? Tell me how that makes sense. And this was not one, but TWO hotels, and they held their ground even after Tim showed them that he held the same credit card I made the reservation on.)
But the decision has profoundly not affected my life in many other ways. I’m still married. I still love my husband. We still enjoy the same legal and emotional benefits of marriage that anyone else shares. We share finances and have pre-applied for a mortgage together and share insurance. And, believe it or not, I don’t “wear the pants” any more than I would had I changed my name. Tim doesn’t look at me and think, “I’d better ask permission about this. She’s one of those women who kept her name.”
And, strangely enough, we’re still happy.
See? Happy. We don’t like the same Chicago baseball team, nor do we share a last name. And we’re still happy and married and fighting about housework and dreaming of owning property. Though, now that I think about it, maybe Tim’s ability to respect that I’d rather enjoy an Italian sausage on the South Side than have a beer and watch the grass grow at Wrigley is because we don’t share a name – he has seen first hand that being different in these ways doesn’t make you less married, or less in love.
The decision to change or keep one’s name is intensely personal. Let’s not assume it’s all about careers or politics. Let’s not assume it makes any difference at all. Let’s just respect people’s choices.
#chifems Book Club – CHANGE OF PLANS!
July 9th, 2011
Perfect Peace by Daniel Black (image via Goodreads)
Lucky for us, Susie Bright will actually BE IN CHICAGO in October, so we are going to get to meet her to talk about the book rather than do it virtually! Horray!
Unfortunately, this means we need a new book for July/August. Fortunately, we’ve selected Perfect Peace by Daniel Black. Jillian speaks very highly of it, so it must be awesome, right?
For more information on The Chifems Book Club, visit us on our Goodreads page and follow us there!
Happy reading!
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Mix CD Extravaganza!
July 9th, 2011If you’re anything like me (and I bet you are, because you 
read this blog), you used to listen to music like it was the end all, be all of your universe. You would to lay on the ground in a dark room, with your stereo blasting (or your headphones, if you had roommates), with tears streaming down your cheeks because the music was just so beautiful. You refused to get an iPod because you thought it would ruin the music-listening experience. You remember making mix TAPES because that was a more authentic way of doing it than making mix CDs. And when you did make mix CDs, they were epic, with cover art and a track listing that you put inside a jewel case that you sacrificed from one of the CDs in your collection. Giving someone one of your mixes meant one of two things. 1) You respected their taste in music so much that you just had to share yours, or 2) You were in love.
And then, if you’re anything like me, you grew up, moved away, and lost touch with your friends, and with the music.
Fortunately for you (and me), there’s hope! I want to share music with you, and I want you to share music with me! So I created a Tumblr where you can submit mixes! Go to http://sidenumbertwo.tumblr.com and find out how to submit your mixes! Don’t forget to follow or subscribe so you don’t miss any of the great mixes!
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Why I Like Dogs Better Than Most People
July 7th, 2011
Our little Penny, all comfy in bed.
It’s going to be a ranty day.
We have a dog, now. Which means we end up talking to a lot of dog owners, and there are a LOT of dog owners in our apartment complex. Fortunately for all of us, there are about 20 miles of walking and biking trails just behind the complex. Since none of us have yards, obviously, it’s good that we can easily get our dogs out and walking. But that also means that, at any given time, you’ll probably encounter about five different dogs in a 20-minute walk.
There is dog walking etiquette. When you first get a dog, it doesn’t take very long to figure that out. You just have to follow a few basic rules:
Simple.
Now, I know not everyone is adept at reading body language, but I don’t know how much of this is nonverbal. If someone is tearing their dog away from your dog, that seems like a good cue to keep moving, no?
Here’s the thing. I love Penny more than I ever thought I could love a dog. But Penny is a 30-pound Terrier mix. I love most other dogs, as well, and so does Penny, but we both have the same quirk: We are not comfortable around big dogs. I’m not talking lab- or retriever-size big. I’m talking dogs that weigh more than I do. Dogs with heads bigger than Penny’s entire body. She’ll say hi to them, then she realizes how big they are, and she jumps backwards like she just saw a ghost. Or a giant, which is actually more likely. We don’t hate them, not at all. My uncle and aunt just got a big Mastiff-Shepard mix, and we’d be fine around him, for sure; we just take a while to warm up to them. And since my uncle and aunt are not jerk dog owners. They would understand and watch their dog and make sure everyone was OK before letting the dogs play or letting the big dog jump on me.
But there are lots of jerk dog owners out there.
And one of them is in our complex. And he owns a Great Dane.
A Great Dane. Source: http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/greatdane.htm
Yea. A Great Dane.
Like I said, Penny and I would be fine with this behemoth given the proper time and space to get acquainted. A 30-minute walk, just outside our building, however, is not the time nor the place. So, about a yard away from these two, I notice they’re just sort of standing in our path – something most dog owners do when they know their dog wants to say “hi” to Penny. Noticing this, I call out, “We’re not so comfortable with big dogs. Sorry!” We kept walking, since we were, you know, on the path and I’m not going to change my direction just because some guy is standing there with his dog.
(I don’t know why I felt the need to apologize for that, but I did. Maybe I wanted to let him know it wasn’t anything against him or his dog. Whatever, but as you will see, I should have been more firm.)
So this guy audibly scoffs at me and says: “Really?” in that tone like well that’s stupid. I shorten Penny’s leash to make a circle away from these two. And what does he do? He lets his dog’s leash out – which is incredibly long, by the way – and the dog gets right up to Penny and sniffs her.
Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!
So I just grip Penny’s leash tighter and try to move away and say, “Look, I said we are not comfortable with big dogs.” Meanwhile, Penny gets behind me and this dog is sort of following her around me, and I almost get tangled up in the leashes.
Luckily, I saw this coming (because I know my dog and I know how she is), so I was able to react quickly and tug Penny into a jog to get away before the leashes wrapped around me or, worse, the dogs. I can hear him snickering at us, but he leaves us alone and we keep walking.
The path we take is a loop. So we swing south-bound on the west side of the loop. And guess who is sitting on the west side of the loop, under a tree, when we get there?
You guessed it. Jerky McJerkface and Great Dane. And guess what Mr. McJerkface is doing? Quietly cackling and telling his dog, “Look. It’s the girls who are afraid of you.”
Ha. Ha. Ha.
So, since I can’t let this go without a little bit of analysis, I have to wonder: Did he not believe me because I am a young woman and I was walking my dog by myself? I can’t imagine that, if Tim were there, he would have questioned my assertion that we are not comfortable with big dogs. However, if he did question it, Tim would have given him a piece of his mind. And, since most of you know me, you know I might have, too, if it weren’t for Penny. Not that she would understand my string of curse words hurled at this guy, but I’m new to the dog thing, OK? And I don’t want her getting wrapped up or even more scared of this dog just so I school his owner.
Maybe reading gender into it is too much. Maybe it’s not. But I know that the next time I see this guy, I’ll just cross the street. And if he gives me a hard time, well, I’m not going to be afraid to give him a piece of my mind.
I’d love to get some guest posts from you!
July 6th, 2011
Image by jjpacres via Flickr
It’s that time of the summer again, when I get tired of listening to myself talk. This doesn’t happen often, so take advantage of it now! 🙂
I’m looking for some guest posts from you, lovely readers. It’s tough to keep up the content on this site all by my lonesome, and I’d much rather have your thoughts and opinions on here, anyway.
So, submit some guest posts to me! You can write about whatever you want, as long as it fits in with my audience. Some ideas for topics range from feminism to education to relationships to some combination of all three, or something completely different. I have two prompts up here, but those are just suggestions. (Be sure to read the guidelines under those suggestions, though. Those are important.)
When you write your post, send it to me at samsanator(at)gmail(dot)com as a Word document attachment, along with a short bio and an image to go with your post.
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Net Worth vs. Self Worth: They’re Not as Equal as You Might Think
July 6th, 2011
Image via Wikipedia
Just the other day, I was talking to one of my teacher friends who works at a different school than I do. He was telling me about the recent cuts his school district has suffered – even though the economy seems to be picking up again, schools are often the last hit and the last to recover – and how he was working so hard this summer to make up for the decrease he’d see in his paycheck come August that he barely has time to see his wife at all. As you can imagine, she’s unhappy because she was looking forward to spending time with him during his summer off; he’s unhappy because he really could have used a summer off, and he misses his wife. He was asking me for advice.
Instead of advice, I asked him a very simple question: “Do you need the money? I don’t mean need it for a down payment for a house or need it for new shoes. I mean, will you be able to eat and pay your rent and take care of all the other of your most basic needs with the money you had before your second job?” His response: “Well, no…,” to which I replied, “Then quit your second job or cut back on your hours and spend some time with your wife.”
Too often, in this capitalist society, we equate our self worth with our net worth. If we’re not making 6-figures right out of undergrad – or, at least, by the time we’re 30 – we’re not successful, or we always feel like we could have done more or been more. And if we choose a profession like teaching, well, you better be prepared not to make 6-figures until the very end of your career, if ever. When you have the government and media pummeling you and telling you that you don’t know how to do your job and kids aren’t succeeding and you shouldn’t even be paid as much as you are, well, it’s pretty easy to feel like it’s time to find something else to do with your one and precious life.
You might say that equating self worth with net worth is more of a problem for men than it is for women. After all, men have historically been the providers in the family. They’ve gone out and made all the money while the women have stayed home with the children and tended to the house. In today’s economy, that just doesn’t even seem possible even if one partner landed that 6-figure job right out of undergrad. Tim and I make really good money combined, but we are still struggling to buy a house in the location we want. I’ve seen this put pressure on Tim to make more money, and we’ve had many conversations about how we don’t need more money, but we do need to spend more time together.
However, and you might take my feminist card away for saying so, I think this is a slippery slope for young women, as well. When we do our career unit in my English classes, I ask students what they are interested in doing when they graduate high school. Many of the young women I speak with reply that they don’t really care as long as they’re making lots of money because they “don’t want to depend on a man.” As admirable as that sentiment is, is making a lot of money worth not exploring a career you might actually enjoy? And do they realize that you can support yourself just as well as an engineer or lawyer as you can as a baker or teacher? And whatever happened to the idealistic sentiment of “the biggest risks have the biggest payoffs”?
Young women today are hell-bent on making more money than their male counterparts, and that’s great, but at what cost (no pun intended)? I might be biased, but I find my lower-paying job as a teacher (and my almost zero-pay job as a blogger/writer) more fulfilling than I would a high-power corporate job. Maybe that’s just me, but as far as I’m concerned, the glass ceiling can kiss my @$$. I’m going to do what I want, even though I’ve been told my whole life that I’m “too smart to teach” and that I could be doing better. While I don’t think that every person who has tried to persuade me to leave teaching has wanted me to make more money, the thought is always there. I’m doing “women’s work,” I could be working in another profession and paid more, and if I can, I should.
But here’s the thing. My self worth is not tied to my net worth. When I write a blog post that people comment on and share, I feel like I accomplished something. When I am teaching a lesson and there is an audible “ah-ha!” moment throughout the class, I feel like I accomplished something. When I get an email from a student I had in class a few years ago telling me how much I helped her just by accepting her for who she is, I feel like I accomplished something. And, contrary to what you might hear, those moments happen more often than you’d think. I don’t need the money to tell me I’m worth something; I have people for that.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m immensely privileged to be saying this. I make a good enough living that all my needs are met. But I’m not talking about taking a job out of necessity. I’m talking about taking a job because it pays more, even if you won’t enjoy it as much. I’m talking about taking on extra jobs to make more money you don’t need at the expense of your relationship with your partner.
Sometimes, it might be better to focus on jobs that produce self worth, especially for women. I’m not saying the pay gap isn’t important to fight (Why don’t teachers make as much as lawyers? Why are women paid less than men for the exact same job?), but I am saying that taking a higher-paying job doesn’t make you worth more. Only you can define your worth, and that is an important message for everyone.
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#chifems Book Club Summer Book Selection!
July 5th, 2011
The #chifems are at it again with yet another intriguing book selection for the summer! This month, we’ll be reading Big Sex Little Death by Susie Bright and, by her suggestion, we’ll hopefully be having a conversation via Skype with the author herself! So, start reading and prepare your own questions you’d like to ask Susie Bright as well as any comments you’d like to share. I’ll let you know more about our planned Skype chat as we figure it out!
For more information on The Chifems Book Club, visit us on our Goodreads page and follow us there!
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Warning: Models in this image may not be as thin as they appear
July 5th, 2011
Today, I’m over at Gender Across Borders talking about the implications of the AMA’s decision to denounce retouching images of models. Here’s a little teaser:
This week, the American Medical Association denounced the use of digital manipulation and retouching on models and asked advertising agencies to consider imposing stricter guidelines for manipulating photos before they are sent to press. I, for one, say it’s about time. Apparently, this is an idea that has been floating around England and France for some time. For the past year or so, some lawmakers in Europe have been trying to get ad agencies and magazines to put warning labels on retouched images to alert the public that these images are fake, and that will hopefully help young people seeing these images to realize that an unattainable standard has been set regarding beauty. America is ready for such a change, especially in light of the relief and excitement many people seemed to feel after seeing models bare it all with no retouching a few years ago.
Though I was never diagnosed with an eating disorder, I struggled with my body image all throughout high school (and probably even earlier than that) and college. I went to the gym twice a day and enrolled myself in exercise courses at school, giving me three workouts a day on average. I ate two very simple meals a day, skipping lunch. I became a vegetarian to more easily avoid fast food and keep off that dreaded Freshman Fifteen. It wasn’t until I came home from undergrad one summer and my friends and family said, “Wow, Ashley. You look sick,” that I realized what I was doing to my body. Luckily for me, that simple statement was enough to shock me into rethinking my eating habits. But for many people, statements like that aren’t enough. Just check out these statistics on eating disorders in America from the South Carolina Department of Mental Health if you don’t believe me. Eating disorders are incredibly prevalent in America, and are on the rise in other countries. Photoshopped images such as the one above are cited for the rise in eating disorders and unhealthy attitudes about body weight and size, but, if we follow France and England’s proposal, is adding a label to the bottom of a picture really going to help?
Click here to read the rest of the article!
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Happy 4th of July!
July 4th, 2011I know you’ve noticed that it’s a holiday weekend. And so I’ve been sort of taking a holiday. Today started with a lovely bike ride, during which I saw a coyote about five feet from me and was very grateful that I did not become its morning meal. It continued with some house cleaning and laundry while Tim has been endlessly cleaning the grill (which is disgusting, by the way). Penny has been sleeping next to me all day, having been kept up all night by nearby fireworks. The poor dog was literally shaking and would not leave my lap all night, and is still incredibly skiddish today. So, after I’m done working on a few writing deadlines, we’ll walk the dog, I might write some more, and we’ll watch a movie while enjoying a bottle of wine at home, because taking the dog anywhere or leaving her alone today seems to be an impossibility.
Therefore, on this summeriest of summer holidays, I leave you with an amazing feat of red, white, and blue food: the coolest Fourth of July cake. Ever. If I had infinite patience and/or amazing baking skills, I would totally try this. But I have neither. So, I am left to stare in awe at what some people are able to do with cakes when struck with just the right patriotic spirit.
If you have infinite patience and/or amazing baking skills, you can find the recipe here and give it a try. Good luck, and happy 4th!
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Two Balloons. Going Up.
June 29th, 2011When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life.
-Richard Bach, from The Bridge Across Forever
I was never the kind of girl who did what girls were supposed to do.
Don’t get me wrong, I have been a “girly-girl” for my entire life. I love and have always loved high heels, purses, makeup, dressing up, and pink. So if girls were “supposed” to like those things, I guess I fell in line on those points. But I was never happy, cheerful, or fun-loving. I never dreamed of weddings or babies or white picket fences. When I was five, I told my mom I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to have a baby. By the time I got to junior high, I was too busy imagining myself slaying dragons and submitting novellas to teen fiction magazines (one of which was actually published, by the way) to worry myself about boyfriends or parties.
In high school, to say I wasn’t cool would be an understatement. I was dark and brooding. I read. A lot. I thought. A lot. But I didn’t have a real outlet for any of it, which made me a very confused teenager, especially since I had many friends who weren’t dark, brooding thinkers. Most of my girlfriends were happy, cheerful, and fun-loving. We talked about boys and kissing and weddings and babies, and I talked about those things, too, because I wanted to do what the girls did. I wanted to be normal. High school was the first time in my life I felt I had any real friends, and I didn’t want to let on that I wasn’t as “normal” as I appeared to be.
And then came undergrad. Undergrad, though I hated it at first, ended up being an oasis. This was where I finally met more people like me, who still dreamed about slaying dragons and submitting manuscripts to publishers. It’s not that my friends from high school didn’t respect what I wanted to do – they did, and still do. But they didn’t want the same things. My friends from college, they wanted the same things, and it was a glorious feeling to finally feel like you were, in fact, normal all along. It was in college, among these friends, that I discovered the simple pleasures of driving just to drive, listening to music, writing. It was among these friends that my life, and what I wanted from it, became the most important thing. And, after undergrad, I wanted to teach. So I did. I moved to a rural area, away from friends and family, and taught for two years. I lived alone and kept in touch with people from undergrad, which made it easy to continue to drive just to drive, listen to music, write. I was alone; I could do whatever I wanted and not feel like I wasn’t normal. And I was teaching full-time. With my own classroom. And that was cool.
Meanwhile, about half of my friends were getting married, having babies, putting their dreams on hold to “start their lives.” The other half was still traveling around the world, studying, dreaming. And I was somewhere stuck in the middle. I had a solid job, but couldn’t hold down a relationship; I was no longer studying or traveling, but I was still dreaming. I didn’t feel on track with anything at all, which isolated me even more than I already was, living alone in an apartment where no one I knew lived. So I moved home. I got a new teaching job. I started grad school. I connected with old friends and talked about weddings and babies, but this time I was actually a little bit interested. And in a whirlwind of coffee, wine, late night writing sessions, sparkly diamonds, and white satin, I got married. I was finally back on track. And I heard all of the things people say about being a “good wife” and what duties that includes. And as much as I gave lip service to fighting the patriarchy, I still thought, What if they’re right? What if I am too independent and I ruin my marriage? So, in the interest of happiness, I stopped dreaming about PhD programs and book deals and started dreaming about 4-bedroom, 3-bathroom homes in the suburbs. I started talking about babies, and I meant it. I stopped driving just to drive, listening to music, writing just for me.
Somewhere along the line, my life became less important than ours.
We flew to San Diego, and I was terrified of the plane crashing, where I had never been terrified before. Somewhere along the line, it wasn’t just about me anymore, but about us. And if we wanted that 4-bedroom, 3-bathroom home in the suburbs, well then we were going to do whatever it took to get it. After all, that’s what most of my friends were doing, even the ones who kept traveling and dreaming after undergrad. It was about time I stayed on track.
We looked at houses, we started saving more. It was exciting, but I wasn’t Happy. Sure, I was happy, but I wasn’t Happy. Not like I was in undergrad, not like I was when Tim and I first met. Something wasn’t right. This wasn’t what I wanted. But how did I tell Tim that, when this was what he wanted? I didn’t want to disappoint him or my family and friends. After all, getting married, buying the house, having babies… it’s what people do, right? So shouldn’t I do it, too?
I started cooking because I liked to. That helped. I started reading more because I wanted to. That helped. I started freelance writing. That has been… interesting. But nothing made me feel the way I felt during undergrad than having drinks with friends in the city, driving an hour home at 10:00 at night after hearing a writer give a talk event though I had to get up for work at 5:00 the next morning, meeting new people who, delightfully, still dream.
As I was driving home from the city last night, after one of the most inspiring and thoughtful dinners I’ve ever had, really listening to some music along the way, it hit me. I don’t want the home in the suburbs. I don’t want babies – not yet at least. I have a lot of traveling and dreaming left.
So, I told Tim. Everything. All of this and more. I told him all of my dreams and thoughts and plans and everything I wanted. And he sat there, nodding. And I said, “This is hard, because I know you want the house in the suburbs. You’ve wanted to own property since before I even met you.” And do you know what he said?
“No one ever gets to the end of their life and says, ‘Gosh, I wish I had bought that house one year earlier.’ They say, ‘I wish I had traveled more. I wish I had lived in the city. I wish I had written that book.’ Let’s not get to the end of our lives and, despite being happy, wish we had done more. When I married you, I didn’t choose a mother for my children or a credit score for a home loan. I chose you. And your dreams. Just like you chose me and mine.”
And then I was reminded: I didn’t marry Tim to get on track. I married Tim because he was Tim. Because I believe in the power of love and partnership, and that, when you find the right person, that person helps make your dreams reality, and you want to help them do the same. And when you are helping each other realize your dreams, your direction is up.
Myths About Dog Ownership and How That Relates to Teaching
June 28th, 2011Last night was Penny’s first obedience class. We signed her (and us) up for obedience classes at the local Petsmart even though she’s already a really, REALLY good dog. I used to think obedience classes were only for dogs who were serious problems, or for owners who were serious control freaks. Boy, was I wrong. Obedience classes are just as important for dogs as teaching younger (and sometimes older) students in our classes how to behave in social situations. There are a lot of myths about caring for and training a dog, and I have found – in my limited experience – that most of these match up with myths about teaching. Allow me to explain.
Myth #1: It is unfair to the dog to put him or her in a crate while you are gone.
I used to believe this until I did a little research. I mean, crates are like cages! No one wants to be caged up all day! Let them roam free!
Well, sure, people don’t like cages and it is totally wrong to keep a person in a cage, but some animals are different. Dogs are den-dwelling animals. They feel comfortable in small spaces. If you let them have free reign of the house, multiple things can happen. They can get overwhelmed with the space and start chewing or marking territory; they can become very territorial of their space which could cause problems when you come home or have visitors; they can start barking at people and animals outside of the windows, which makes them feel like they are protecting their space and chasing off intruders and can make them even more territorial and encourage them to bark in the yard or on a leash. They like smaller, covered spaces because they’re easier to protect, and this will also train the dog to be a nicer, less aggressive pet.
In short, dogs like boundaries. Believe it or not, students do, too. Like I said, obviously you are not going to lock them in a cage, but think about how often your students become completely different people when you change the setting of your classroom. You have different challenges in the library versus in your own classroom. When you switch your classroom setup around, the students come in and every single one of them comments on how they are shocked at the new setup and how they liked the old one better. Similarly, when you allow them free reign of the classroom rather than asking them to remain seated in their desks, that’s when things get broken, stolen, or “rearranged.” It’s almost like, when they have too much space to work with, they get overwhelmed with it. Sound familiar?
Myth #2: Reward all positive behavior.
When we brought Penny home, we gave her so many treats that she gained five (much needed) pounds in the first four weeks we had her here. Our idea behind treating her so much was that we wanted her to recognize that she’d done something good and then keep up with that behavior. Similarly, we as teachers are often asked to consistently reward our students, and some people (myself included) reward students for every little thing. I know a school, for example, that rewards students for simply walking down the correct side of the hallway. We all know what happens then, right? The students start asking for rewards. They do something correctly, and they say, “Miss, can we get some extra credit for that?” My response is always, “I don’t give extra credit for something that wasn’t extra.” However, how can they tell the difference between adequate and extra when they’re constantly being rewarded for everything they do?
At our obedience class last night, we learned not to treat randomly, but ask for a specific action, then verbally acknowledge the specific action that was performed, then give a treat quickly to associate the behavior with the reward. This isn’t a bad example to follow for humans, either. Ask for something specific, verbally acknowledge the student did something good, then give an immediate and tangible reward. The key here is to be specific. If I want Penny to sit, and she rolls over, I’m not going to reward her just for being cute (which I was doing). Similarly, if I ask for a three page paper, I shouldn’t reward a 1.5 page paper with a passing grade.
Myth #3: Don’t give your dog rules. Let them go, and they will figure it out for themselves.
I have seen people with so many rules for their dogs that they are so constantly disciplining the dog that they cannot have a conversation with anyone while the dog is in the room. I believe these people just want a dog when the dog is sitting quietly in the corner looking cute. And part of that may be true, but if you don’t give dogs any rules at all, they will just continue to push the envelope and see what they can get away with. If you let them get away with everything, they’ll just continue to do it.
Similarly, I have seen teachers with so many rules, even the teacher can’t keep them all straight. These teachers usually end up spending more time disciplining than actually teaching. On the flip side, though, I just had a year where most of my rules went out the window. With weddings and contest plays and all sorts of other life things going on at once, I just tried to get through the year. I’d impose rules, then back off of them, then my attitude was if they get the work done well, whatever. This made for an awful year. I still had control of my classroom because they knew I did have limits, but my limits were so much more lenient than they had been in years past. This coming year, I know what I have to do: Set rules at the beginning of the year and stick to them. Same with Penny.
Myth #4: Dogs are fine if you leave them alone for a really long time. They’ll entertain themselves.
Sure they will. They will entertain themselves by chewing up your entire $900 couch and peeing on your favorite pair of shoes. Dogs, especially terriers like Penny, need to be intellectually stimulated. She needs to play, chase things, run, take walks outside, play fetch, tug on ropes, etc. When we don’t play with her or give her adequate exercise outside because of the weather, etc. she gets obnoxious. She’ll act restless or bark at us or nudge our hands so we’ll pet her. In short, she won’t leave us alone until we do something so she’s not bored.
Students also really like to be intellectually stimulated, believe it or not! They might tell you they’d rather sit and be bored listening to the teacher lecture, but we all know that’s not true. They like activities that make them think, and when they’re thinking, time flies. If you can get your students intellectually involved in a majority of your lessons, I guarantee you will not only be teaching them a heck of a lot more, but you will have fewer behavioral problems, as well, because their minds will be too engaged with what they’re doing to think about how they can break the rules.
Not only do dogs need intellectual stimulation, they need intellectual payoff. This is actually something that is up in the air as far as truth, but I believe it. We have all these toys for Penny that squeak and have all sorts of tails and ropes and you name it on them. Then, we discovered that she would actually chase a laser pointer more than all of the toys combined. However, when we put the laser pointer away, she knew we had put it away, but still searched for the light. For hours. She didn’t even want food. The problem here is that there was no intellectual payoff.
There was nothing to grab, shake, or hide. She needs that. Students need that, too. How many times have you been asked, “What do we need this for?” They want to know because they need some sort of intellectual payoff. And when you can answer that question, they become even more engaged in learning.
Myth #5: Just say no. When you see them doing something you don’t want them to do, say “No!”
This goes back to Myth #2 – you must be specific. If Penny is sitting on the bed (where she is not allowed), I cannot just yell “No!” If I do that, she’ll know she did something wrong, but not what she did wrong. The odds of her getting on the bed again are pretty good, then, if she doesn’t know that sitting on the bed was what she did wrong. So you have to be specific and say, “No bed!” and eventually she’ll know that sitting on the bed was what was wrong.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen a student doing something inappropriate and have just said, “Knock it off!” 9 times out of 10, when I say something nondescript like that, the student says, “What did I do?” which then has a tendency to launch you into a conversation you didn’t want to have about what the student was doing and why it was inappropriate. It is much more effective to be specific. “Stop throwing wads of paper on the floor” is much more effective than “Stop it!” for obvious reasons.
Let’s be clear, though…
I am not saying the methods you use with a dog to train it (squirt bottle when they do something wrong, crate training, bacon-flavored treats) are the same methods you should use when dealing with behavior issues in class. I am, however, saying that the concepts are similar. In fact, most of the ideas here are things I’ve noted from my own teaching experience that I believe make me a good dog owner, not the other way around. Students are humans, not dogs, and should be treated as such. However, when people say having a dog is a good test for having a baby, this might be what they mean. And we all know raising a child and teaching a child are very similar, too, so I think it fits.
Honoring Housewives
June 27th, 2011I am not a housewife. I have a job for 10 months out of the year. But for 9 weeks, I am, essentially, a housewife.
Tim and I moved in together almost one year ago (July 1) and last summer, though I didn’t have a job per se, I did have my hands full with wedding planning, bridal showers, and just adjusting to my major life shift. Now, Tim and I live together pretty well, the wedding is over, and the only thing we have really occupying our time is the dog. Tim has two part-time summer jobs and I’m trying (rather unsuccessfully) to do some writing for money (which is, apparently, very hard to do!). So, while he’s bringing home the bacon so to speak, I’m trying to “work from home,” which ends up meaning I do a lot of housework.
Let’s take today for example. I woke up, unpacked from the weekend, put everything away, started a load of laundry, loaded and started the dishwasher, went to the gym, came back, unloaded the dishwasher and put the dishes away, put the wet laundry into the dryer, started another load of laundry, dusted, vacuumed, ate breakfast, showered, got dressed, and finally started up my computer. Believe it or not, that was all before 10:30.
Granted, I was out of town from Friday morning through yesterday afternoon and Sunday is our usual day off to do-nothing-but-clean day, but I would have rather gouged my eyes out with a spoon than cleaned the apartment after the super fun weekend we had at my friend’s wedding. However, if we put this into perspective, we have a two-bedroom apartment, not a single family home, and we don’t have any children. So cleaning is relatively easy, but it still takes me a good portion of the morning (and the laundry is still going as we speak). Imagine if we did have a larger home and children running around. Then it would be an all-day endeavor. Not to mention I’d probably want to, you know, do something with my kids.
We live in the 21st Century, so modern conveniences make having a partner who deals solely in domestic duties unnecessary. We can freeze and refrigerate food, so we don’t have to go to the market every day to buy the food we need. We don’t have to wash or dry dishes and clothing by hand, so we have more time there. We can buy pre-made or semi-pre-made food at the store, so we don’t have to spend time chopping vegetables or preparing meat. We can microwave food in half the time it takes to prepare it using conventional methods. In short, my cleaning and cooking “duties” take probably close to a third of the time it may take me were I a wife in the early 1900’s. This means I can, and do, work a full-time job while I am still able to “take care of the house.” But it also means that, when I am working, things go by the wayside. Dirty dishes may pile up in the sink, we may eat frozen meals five days out of the week, bath towels might not get washed for a few weeks, clutter might overtake the apartment. I’m OK with this, and so is Tim, but, for a neat-freak like myself, it does take a conscious effort not to beat myself up about the things that haven’t gotten done.
It also helps that our generation seems to be demanding that husbands do their share of housework more and more. I’m not saying that women should be “demanding” that their partners take on housework. I’m just saying that Tim and I discussed very early on in our relationship how we would divide up the domestic duties, from grocery shopping to managing the finances, dusting to scrubbing. I didn’t sit there and say “You’d better do this or else.” We just talked about what we felt comfortable taking on and what needed to get done. And we also promised that if something didn’t get done in a particular day or week, neither of us would complain about it, especially if there was a really good reason for it not getting done, like we were just too busy. The difference here between our generation and the generation before us is that we have these discussions. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told people how we talked about dividing domestic duties and they’ve said, “Wow, that’s just so great that you guys share so much of the work! I usually have to do it all unless my husband wants something from me.” No joke. That’s usually what people tell me.
However, staying at home this summer has me paying more attention to the details. There are things that got dusted this summer that maybe have never been dusted before because I never noticed that they needed to be dusted! Our bed sheets and bath towels have been washed more already this summer than ever. We’ve eaten literally the most amazing meals I have ever had because I’ve spent hours cooking. I make sure our apartment always smells amazing and everything is always put away.
Doing the domestic duties is one thing. Making it your job is another. And it is a full-time job if you’re going to pay attention to details and spend any sort of time on it. So why don’t we honor housewives like we do women with any other job? Why aren’t women paid for doing the domestic work in their own homes? 1 I’m not saying husbands should pay their wives for their work in the home. But I am saying that I know many women who gave up careers to tend to housework and stay home with children for many, many years and then got divorced and were awarded nothing for their time at home, even though they were essentially working full time. This means that their ex-husbands got to keep all the money they earned while they were working – including pensions and equity in the homes their wives kept so clean, etc., – that these women didn’t even have a chance to build because they were doing all the work at home.
Housework just doesn’t get the same respect as working for money. I don’t know why this is because it is HARD WORK, but there are a lot of feminists out there who look down on women because they quit their jobs and stayed home with their kids. This seems counter-intuitive to me. We want women to be respected and have choices, but then when they make the choice to stay home, we don’t respect them nor do we honor that choice? I have to admit, I felt like I was doing something un-feminist by staying at home this summer to work on the housework and not going out to make as much money as I possibly could to bust down that glass ceiling. But I’m not. I’m taking time for me and for us, and I’m doing what I can to help our family.
The bottom line here is that we need to respect women’s choices, regardless of what those choices may be. And we need to start actively honoring the work of women who do stay at home.
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Link Love: Marriage
June 26th, 2011Since I’m out of town for the weekend and won’t have time to write brilliant articles, I’m posting three Link Love editions – Feminism, Education, and Marriage. These are composed of links to articles and websites that I’ve perused, wanted to write about, but just didn’t get around to it.
Today’s links are all about marriage and relationships. Shameless self promotion of articles you’ve written about marriage and/or relationships is totally allowed and encouraged. Leave your links in the comments!
Simplemarriage.net – 6 Ways to Self Sooth Your Way to a Better Marriage
Alternet.org – The Screwed-Up Ideas Underpinning Modern Marriage
And don’t forget to check out my archives of posts and guest posts on Feminism and Relationships and submit a guest post yourself!
Happy reading (and writing)!
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Link Love: Education
June 25th, 2011Since I’m out of town for the weekend and won’t have time to write brilliant articles, I’m posting three Link Love editions – Feminism, Education, and Marriage. These are composed of links to articles and websites that I’ve perused, wanted to write about, but just didn’t get around to it.
Today’s links are all about feminism. Shameless self promotion of articles you’ve written about education is totally allowed and encouraged. Leave your links in the comments!
Edutopia.org – Fostering Student Creativity and Responsibility With Blogging
NPR.org – Making Headlines Since The 70’s: Is College Worth It?
NPR.org – Fact Is, Students Have Never Known History
Feministe.us – The Tyranny of Education
The Apple A Day Project – We Love You Miss Hannagin: Teaching The Kid You Can’t Stand
Happy reading!
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Link Love: Feminism
June 24th, 2011Since I’m out of town for the weekend and won’t have time to write brilliant articles, I’m posting three Link Love editions – Feminism, Education, and Marriage. These are composed of links to articles and websites that I’ve perused, wanted to write about, but just didn’t get around to it.
Today’s links are all about feminism. Global feminism, feminism at home, feminism in the news… you name it! Shameless self promotion of articles you’ve written about feminism is totally allowed and encouraged. Leave your links in the comments!
AWID.org – Announcing the Young Feminist Wire E-Learning Sessions!
Huffingtonpost.com – Marlo Thomas: Men Behaving Badly… It’s a Good Thing
The Radical Housewife – “There is no power like my pretty power….”
Video: Stories of Change (Part 1 of 5 – click through for all parts)
Happy reading!
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