Posts by Ashley:
- One girl bought me my favorite color nail polish as a way of saying thank you, just because she remembered I said I liked the color.
- One girl raised her hand in class and thanked me for helping her through a difficult time in her life. She said the emails I sent her when she was at home helped her realize that everything would be OK.
- One guy said he was glad he had my class because he did a lot of work he could be proud of.
- Two students wrote me page-long letters talking about how inspiring I was to them this year.
- My students who never sat still during one single word I said listened to my entire, 50-minute “final thoughts” speech (a shorter, written version is here) without moving one inch. Also, the speech made six students in separate classes cry.
- And oh so much more.
Join the Fight Against Photoshop: The Keep it Real Challenge
June 25th, 2012
I am so sad my Fearless Females aren’t meeting over the summer, because they would be all over this one. Miss Representation is hosting the Keep it Real Challenge, a three day social media onslaught that hopes to change the media’s perspective on using photoshopped images.
And do you know what’s really awesome about it? You can participate! Here’s the link to the Facebook event, but here’s how you can use social media to make a difference:
Day 1: Tweet it
Use #KeepitReal on Twitter to challenge magazines to drop photoshop.
Day 2: Blog It
Use your voice to tell the world why photoshop needs to go.
Day 3: Capture It
Take pictures of what real beauty means to you and post them with #KeepitRealChallenge for a chance to be featured on a billboard in NYC – the heart of the magazine industry!
You can download the Toolkit here: http://bit.ly/KeepItRealToolkit, which will give you access to great information and graphics for your blog or website.
Will you be joining in the fight for real beauty? I am! If you are, too, leave a comment and let me know. I’d love to compile a list of links to blogs posting about body image on Thursday.
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Doofus Dads and Helper Husbands: Here to Stay?
June 24th, 2012I spend a lot of time on here (and elsewhere) talking about how women – particularly wives – are portrayed in the media. What I haven’t covered in a while is how the media portrays husbands. Sarah Haskins did a nice job of covering it a few years ago, and I refer to this video often:
Husbands and dads aren’t portrayed much better in media than wives and mothers are, it seems. Most often, doofus dads just can’t handle childcare or housework, and helper husbands have to be asked to do work around the house. And they just can’t seem to get it done as well as a woman can.
According to AdWeek, though, these dads are fighting back against advertising-related bad press:
When it comes to their talents and abilities at raising children, or handling virtually anything having to do with the household, dads are feeling a lack of respect. A report this past March from PR firm Edelman and The Parenting Group, publisher of Parenting and Babytalk, found that 66 percent of fathers think there is an “anti-dad societal bias.” Among dads with children under the age of 2, that number spikes to 82 percent.
One need to look no further than a controversial diaper ad to see their point.
When Huggies’ “Dad Test” campaign, featuring flummoxed fathers attempting to care for their newborns, hit the airwaves, dads decided enough was enough. The backlash was swift, and a wave of negative reaction stained the brand’s Facebook page like spit-up on a cashmere cardigan. One faction of fathers even teamed with Change.org to petition Huggies parent Kimberly-Clark Corp. to stop running ads portraying dads as incompetent.
It is clear that the fathers of today want the world to know they have moved beyond the stereotypical image of the “doofus dad.” They want to be seen as nap time ninjas, professional purveyors of PB&J and diaper-wielding demigods—ones who also happen to shop for those diapers.
Huggies executives listened and attempted to clean up the mess by withdrawing the dad-bashing ads.
I think it’s great that dads are fighting back. They absolutely deserve more respect than they get, and they are seeing results from their protests. When we talk about gendered roles within the family, we cannot ignore the fact that dads and 
husbands get a bad rap, too. Unfortunately, we do see a lot of advertisements that portray family men in a bad light, and even more unfortunate, when we see doofus dads and helper husbands in other forms of media – like television or movies – they are often just one side of a terribly portrayed couple. Helper husbands are usually coupled with nagging wives who just get frustrated at their man-child’s inability to do anything to help out around the house. Great portrayals of dads and husbands, however, usually also come with a great portrayal of a wife and mother. I suppose this makes sense; a couple is only as good as the two people in it, and nagging wife often leads to helper husband because a nagging wife doesn’t seem to let her husband do much of anything around the house.
So, in short, it’s great that dads are having some success with fighting back against the media. On the flip side, though, we still have a long way to go. There still are not enough portrayals of great, equally partnered families in the media, and advertisers still seem to think that it’s a really good marketing tactic to make husbands and wives fit into these age-old stereotypes.
Photo Credit: Sam Howzit
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Terms I Hate: “The Honey Do List”
June 22nd, 2012
There are so many terms in our society that people don’t even think about before they say them. They’re colloquial, and their literal meanings are often very different than what the terms have come to mean. As a teacher, I have a plethora of these phrases that I outline for my students at the beginning of the year. They cannot say something is “gay” or “retarded” unless they are referring to a sexual preference or a specific disability, for example. As a wife, I have even more terms like this that I absolutely hate, and since we have bought a house and we listen to people talk to us about our gendered homeownership roles, the list is growing.
First up is “the honey do list.” I first heard this term just before we bought the house, when we were watching Friday Night Lights. Coach Taylor runs into a former player at the hardware store, and he says, “Do you have a honey do list, too?” or something to that effect. The second time I heard the term was just the other day. We had a guy come in from a sump pump company to assess our need for a backup system because of our finished basement. Tim and the man were standing at the door as he was getting ready to leave, and I was within earshot of them but out of sight. The man, trying to make conversation (and probably a sale), said to Tim, “How’s it going with the house? Do you have a honey do list about a mile long?” Tim, because he is awesome, replied, “My wife and I have been working on a lot of projects together, yea.”
The term “honey do list” might seem like a cute way to talk about all of the projects to do around the house. However, it’s connotation is that it’s something that the wife wants that the husband has to do. Not only that, but the implication there is that it’s a list of things the wife can’t do, so it’s hubby to the hardware store and to the rescue.
One could argue that a honey do list could be made for either partner in a heterosexual couple, but I’ve never heard it used that way, have you?
Like many things that relate to couples, the “honey do list” implies heterosexuality. Or, at least, it implies that one partner demands and the other partner does, regardless of gender. In this way, the “honey do list” brings up a lot of issues about power within relationships. When one person holds the power – or power tools, in this case – there are some terrible assumptions made, both by society and within a partnership. To assume that I need my husband to operate the man-tools in the house is downright sexist. To assume that I cannot learn to operate the man-tools in the house is downright rude.
Tim and I both have a list of projects to complete for the house about a mile long. Sometimes I’ll consult him on a project (like building this table) to see if he’ll help (I’m thinking I’ll need another pair of hands on that one), or if he even wants it done. On others, (like hanging pictures on the wall) I’ll just do it and expect him to compliment me on my awesome skillz. He, also, has a ton of projects that he does not need my permission to complete. Granted, the projects we each come up with for our lists are a bit gendered; mine tend to do with crafts and decor and his tend to do with the hardware store in some capacity. This just represents our interests, not necessarily our abilities. I, for example, have absolutely no interest in re-caulking the bathroom and he has no interest in making coasters out of maps of places we’ve been. However, we are both involved in the home and the house projects, and we certainly don’t tell each other what needs to get done and expect it to happen, as the “honey do list” would imply. We are equal partners who are equally invested in this house, thank you very much.
Photo Credit: russteaches
Friendships Change and Grow, Just Like People
June 19th, 2012
Since Tim and I got married, I’ve thought a lot about female friendships, and that’s probably why I chose the topic for this month’s blog carnival. Female friendships is what feminism is all about – helping each other, listening when we need to vent, sharing in our successes and our happiness.
Unfortunately, for many women, it seems that female friendships take a backseat to romantic relationships. Even more unfortunate, I think I’m sometimes guilty of putting my friendships with other women on the back burner.
It’s a strange transition when you get married. On one hand, you have this new partner and you’re finally married and the wedding is finally over and now you can get down to spending the rest of your lives together without a lot of distractions. On the other hand, you don’t want to lose the life you had before you got married – hanging out with friends, going to concerts, grabbing lunch. As you stand there at your wedding with your bridesmaids at your back, you are symbolically merging your life with another’s, as well as your family with another’s. This we know. What we often ignore during the ceremony, though, is that you are also merging your friends with another’s. But when it comes right down to it, in your vows, you’re really saying that you choose your new partner over anyone else in the world, no matter what. It’s an odd juxtaposition among all of the already hectic things going on during your wedding, and sometimes we don’t pay attention to this shift as much as we should.
Personally, I felt pulled in many different directions right after we got married. I wanted to maintain my relationships with my family and foster this new relationship with Tim, but I also wanted to keep the same relationship with my female friends as we had before the wedding. What happened in reality, though, is that my female friendships dropped off. Many of my friends got married very soon after I did, and as we were all dealing with the tug-of-war of our first years of marriage, we lost touch. It is just now, over a year later, that we are able to come back together and pick up where we left off.
It’s an age-old rule that we learn when we are in junior high: Don’t give up your girlfriends for your new boyfriend. Yet, as we grow older, many of us do give up friendships in favor of a romantic partner. Maybe we think we are older and wiser and, once our romantic relationship is secure, we don’t need the rest of our relationships. Maybe, as was the case for me, it’s just an accident; I was so tired after the wedding that all I wanted to do most days was curl up on the couch and turn my phone off. Even the thought of one more conversation exhausted me. I didn’t mean to stop making the effort, I just… did.
I also believe that my expectations for my friendships were too high. It was unrealistic of me to believe that my friendships would not change after I got married, just like it was unrealistic of me to believe that my relationship with Tim would not change after we got married. Part of growing is changing, and part of changing means our relationships will change. You hope that your friends, family, and romantic partners will grow and change with you, and most often they do. Those who have chosen to love us – and whom we have chosen to love – understand our struggles and our triumphs, and they choose to love us throughout it all and the changes it may bring. Sometimes, though, we change too much, and we grow apart.
The most important thing to remember as your life and your friends’ lives change is that we choose who we surround ourselves with. We share love with those who we feel deserve it, for whatever reason. And just because your relationship doesn’t look the same as it used to doesn’t mean your friendship is over, it just means it is taking a different path.
Photo Credit: Jerry Bunkers
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Thank You, Title IX
June 18th, 2012My students and I had many conversations this year about equality for women and men in schools. We even had two debates on this subject: one about whether or not toys should be gendered, and one about whether or not sports teams should be separated into girls’ and boys’ teams. The latter topic came about because, when I bring up the topic of gender equality, the students usually jump to sports, which makes sense because this is a clear example of an aspect of American high schools where there is still rampant inequality. Girls’ sports, and by extension, women’s sports, are grossly underrepresented. Some of the best athletes in the world are women, yet female sports teams still don’t receive the same funding, nor do they get the same attendance, press, or attention that men’s sports do. It is also widely accepted – even by some of my students – that women just don’t have the strength and sheer physical ability that men do.
My goal in having these debates is twofold. First, I want my students to learn the skills of persuasion, as it is the most valuable rhetorical skill I can teach them. Second, I want to open my students’ minds and eyes to some of the inadvertent ways gender discrimination creeps into our attitudes and our society. As I always tell them before we start talking about any topic like this: my goal is not to change their minds, but to open them.
What I always make clear to them when we have these discussions and debates, though, is that the reason we can even have these conversation is because of Title IX, which turns 40 this week. Title IX was a part of the Education Amendments of 1972, which passed on June 23 of that year.
My students are very familiar with Title IX and its positive implications for sports, but many of my students still don’t know that Title IX was originally created to end gender discrimination in all aspects of public education, not just sports. With Title IX, women were free to take career and technical education classes rather than home ec, for example. It also dictates that pregnant women and teen mothers receive the programs they need to stay in school, among many other things. Of course, it also says that men’s and women’s sports need to be equally represented.
During one of these discussions about Title IX and its positive impact on our lives, one of my students raised her hand and asked, “Does this mean that Title IX says we can have a group for girls to talk about issues that relate to us that meets after school since we already have a group for boys here?”
“Yes, it does.” I said. And, thus, Fearless Females was born. Once a week, for an hour after school, female students who are interested in discussing gender related issues meet in my classroom. This year, we talked about beauty standards, planned a no makeup day, and explored what we can do about teenage dating violence. Next year, we plan on tackling financial independence and budgeting, as well as incorporating more visitors of positive female role models in the community.
Title IX has benefitted so many generations of women in its 40 years of existence. I see its positive impact every day. From open discussions about gender discrimination in the classroom to female athletes shining on the field to a group of young feminists meeting in my classroom after school, Title IX’s influence has already allowed young women so many more opportunities than they may have had otherwise. Now, if we can eradicate sexism from our everyday consciousness, I see equality for young women in public schools reaching entirely new heights. And I believe that will start with this generation’s fearless females.
Photo Credit: Medill DC
This post was written as a submission to the National Women’s Law Center’s Title IX blog carnival.
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Don’t Forget: Feminist Odyssey Blog Carnival Submissions Due This Week!
June 17th, 2012
This is just a friendly reminder to submit your posts to the Feminist Odyssey Blog Carnival this week. The deadline is WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20, so don’t delay!
This month, we’re looking for posts on female friendships, but if you have other posts about feminism in general, we’ll take those, too.
Just be sure you check out the ground rules, and see the announcement post before you submit your posts.
I can’t wait to read all of the awesome submissions! We’ve already gotten some great ones, but I’d love to have many, many more!
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The Perks of Being a Wallflower: Life, Love, and Adolescence
June 16th, 2012I was 20 years old and in undergrad when I first picked up Stephen Chbosky’s 1999 novel, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. The book had been making the rounds among my friends for five years before I finally got around to picking it up. In the thick of my major in English Literature, I imagine I thought myself too good for a young adult novel published by MTV, a network I had only begun to roll my eyes at in the years leading up to Teen Mom and Jersey Shore. Eventually, though, the book became hard to ignore and I bought a copy to see what all the hype was about. I’m so glad I did.
When I started reading Perks, as it is affectionately called among its many devoted fans, I was in the most tumultuous and self-destructive relationship of my dating life. I met him at a book signing for an author visiting campus, and our mutual love of music and writing led to an intense, on-again off-again relationship. His Hemingway-esque tendencies to devote himself entirely to his writing or disappear for days at a time left me questioning my own self worth; after all, if he wasn’t willing to spend time with me, there must be something wrong with me, right? But then he would come back, put a Radiohead album in the CD player, and we would wax philosophical about music and the state of the world until the wee hours of the morning and everything was right again.
Perks spoke to me at this time of my life for many reasons, not least of which is because the themes of the book center around love, friendship, self-esteem, and music. On the surface, Perks is about a boy who feels rejected by those around him and finds comfort in writing letters to an anonymous recipient. The boy, Charlie, befriends a quirky group of high schoolers and throws himself into their passions while working toward finding his own. They participate in the high school culture – from football games to parties to school dances – and make each other mixtapes and, eventually, have to say good-bye. Their struggles are ones that high school students face on a daily basis. The book goes deeper than that, though, and does a good job of dealing with heavy topics that ring true to anyone who has suffered through the awkward years of adolescence, including sex, sexuality (one of the main characters in the book is gay), drugs, and trying to fit in.
I had first avoided the book for the same reasons that it is so great. While it recounts my terrible and unforgettable years of high school, it contains quotable insights into life, no matter your age. When Charlie’s English teacher said to him, “We accept the love we think we deserve,” for example, I cried. I looked at my relationship at the time and was floored; this was the love I thought I deserved? Days with no contact, feeling bad about myself, letting him dictate how I spent my time?
Charlie has inspired me to really see what goes on around me, and to make my life better in so many ways. Now, as an English teacher myself, I see students attracted to this book, and it’s no wonder. The bright green, minimalistic cover piques their interest, and they are soon sucked into its pages just as I was. Every year, I buy at least two copies of the book for my classroom library. Every year, those copies disappear. I would be angry, but I understand the impulse – they want to keep the book that has meant so much to them during a tumultuous time in their lives.
Recently, MTV released the trailer for the upcoming movie version during the 2012 Movie Awards. Though I am in an entirely different place in my life than I was when I first read Perks, I found myself simultaneously tearing up and smiling while watching the trailer. I hope the movie manages to be everything the book was. Most of all, I hope the movie rings emotionally true and inspires a new generation of young people to observe and analyze their lives, and also to step off the wall and participate in the wonderful things going on around them. If the trailer is any indication, I believe it will do all of this and then some.
Photo Credit: elizabeth catherine
Homeownership Agrees with Me
June 15th, 2012
I have a library!
Finally, we’re back online.
It took a little while, and a ton of phone calls, but we finally have internet. Apparently, we chose a suburb that is widely recognized as “too far west” for many cable and internet companies. But, thanks to the lovely people at Comcast (I never thought I’d ever hear myself say that…), we’re back up and running. Which means I can get back to writing and blogging and working, which is very exciting (I never thought I’d ever hear myself say that, either…).
I’ve got some awesome posts lined up for you all, and I can’t wait to get back into the swing of things, but I did want to update you on some of the cool features of the new abode.
First and foremost, I have a library. This room was supposed to be a formal dining room, but as it is nowhere near the kitchen, nor do we need yet another eating area, we turned it into a library. You can see it pictured above, and it is fantastic. Easily my favorite room in the house.
You’ve already seen my Tiffany blue office. I’m sitting there right now, and it is highly enjoyable.
Other than that, we have a huge kitchen which opens into the living room, a fireplace, an outside fire pit, 1/3 of an acre of land with a fenced-in yard for the dog, 2.5 bathrooms, 4 bedrooms, and a finished basement, yet it still feels cozy and wonderful.
I’ve posted here a lot about how I’ve been confused about what move to make next. We thought about moving to the city, then we thought about renting somewhere else for another year. The house is what scared me the most – it’s a huge commitment and a lot of debt. It’s basically saying to the world that we’re settling down and that we expect to be in the suburbs for the rest of our lives. And it says that we’ve chosen the family life over more adventurous options. Of course that isn’t necessarily true, and probably won’t be for us, but it can feel that way and put a lot of stress on you as you are deciding which path to take and what living arrangement you want.
But I have to say, I think homeownership agrees with me. During the school year, I was having a huge and totally out of the ordinary problem with acne, for example, and (knock on wood) I haven’t had one single breakout in two weeks. We closed on our house a week ago. Coincidence? Maybe. But yesterday, I was on the phone with an old friend of mine, and he remarked that I didn’t have that stressed-out pitch in my voice that he was used to hearing. I must admit, the problems that have arisen with this house have been almost fun to deal with so far. I know the big stuff is coming, but I’m having fun decorating and fixing things. I’m not stressed about it in the least. And just the fact that I have my very own space to be writing this post in makes me so incredibly happy.
I guess I just wanted to say that I’m really happy with the decision we made. I turned 28 yesterday, and instead of feeling old, I feel like my life is just beginning. Or, at least, Chapter 2.
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I’m a Homeowner!
June 10th, 2012
I still have no Internet and am not even close to being done unpacking, but just a quick update about the house.
We own it, and it is awesome.
Also, this is my new office. I’m literally going to be blogging at you from inside a Tiffany box from now on. I’m thinking about painting a white bow on the ceiling.
I’ll be back to writing soon!
Crisis Averted: I Knew It All Along
June 4th, 2012
I love writing. I have opinions, and I think it’s important that I express them, especially because the number of women publishing op-eds in major news outlets is so dismally low. When I presented at the CWWN conference two summers ago, when one audience member asked a question that seemed very skeptical towards the validity of blogs and online news sources, one of my fellow panelists remarked that, if we choose to trust only printed media that is filtered through many, many levels of editing and marketing tactics, we are not really receiving the best information. It is blogs and independent media that truly give us the perspectives of the masses – gritty and unfiltered and important.
I love being a part of this independent media. I love blogging here, just as I love blogging for Care2, just as I loved blogging for GAB and many of the other sites with which I’ve participated in the past. I loved diving into the community with my literacy interview and master’s capstone project to gain a deeper understanding of how these people who have never met in real life can form bonds sometimes stronger than those we have formed with childhood friends. I have made so many friends in this community that live around the country that I have seen one internet friend every time I’ve visited another city, and I’ve met a few as they’ve passed through Chicago, as well.
I’ll say it again: I love writing, and I love the community that comes with it. I feel very passionately about my writing and my activism, and I believe that the extensive writing and thinking I did this year partially led to the amazing school year I had, for when I am constantly thinking about ways to teach and ways to bring up the next generation of activists, I am filled with an energy and a plethora of ideas that I bring to my classroom.
I think it’s obvious that I love writing, which is why it has been surprising so many people to hear me say that, this year, writing will no longer be my focus.
Don’t worry. I’m going to keep writing here and for Care2, and I will absolutely submit pieces to other places if the mood strikes me or if I write something that I believe needs a specialized audience. But I am not pursuing writing as a full-time career.
If you read the above paragraphs carefully, you’ll notice that what I love about writing doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the writing itself. Sure, I love being able to put my words on paper and I love sharing my thoughts with the world; there certainly is a sort of high that comes from writing a piece you can feel deeply proud of. However, what I truly love about the writing is the community. Of course, to be a part of that community, I have to keep writing – and I will! – but I am not a writer by trade. Nor am I an activist. I am a teacher.
I think there is a definite distinction between the three, even though I use all three skill sets – writing, activism, and teaching – interchangeably. As with anything you do interchangeably, though, one generally reigns supreme, and for me, that is education. It wasn’t always this way, though, and it has taken me a while to arrive at this realization.
At the end of the 2010-2011 school year, I found myself desperately seeking something else to do with my life. I had a particularly bad school year, and people were trying to persuade me left and right to do better things. And there was always a nagging voice in the back of my head that was telling me that they were right. “Look at your life, Ashley,” it said. “You grew up with the dream of being a famous author and look at how far you’ve gotten. Nowhere. You’re just a teacher.” As most of us do, I admired the big-name writers and activists in the feminist movement and, having kept this blog for so long, I thought that it wouldn’t be too far of a stretch for me to at least write a book or start trying to take on more journalistic assignments and make the transition from teacher to writer. It was a quarter-life crisis, if you will, and I was deep in it.
As I deepened my involvement with the writing community – different from the blogging community in this case – I began to notice things I didn’t see from the outside. Big name writers are rarely willing to help their fledgling counterparts, and, in order to get noticed, you have to be reactionary and, of course, you have to cover the big-ticket news items with some sort of incendiary commentary.
I started to realize that I’m not reactionary, nor am I incendiary, nor do I want to cover news items that have been commented on ad nauseum by big names and fledgelings alike. All saying almost the exact same thing. What I was interested in, however, was working with other writers, and students, to build a connection to an activist community of which writing was one part. I was interested in helping writers build their careers and publishing a few pieces along the way. And what I was most interested in was sharing that knowledge with my students. I find myself attracted to like-minded, education-focused people, as well, which is probably why I have made the connections I have, and why I love the community so much. It’s because we all truly help each other and want each other to succeed in whatever path we choose.
I’m so glad I stuck it out teaching this year. If I hadn’t, I might not have realized that I am an educator in the truest sense of the word. Even in my writing, I am educating. And I cannot think of anything more important I could be doing with my life. My teaching fulfills my sense of purpose and seeps out into every aspect of my life. I feel so comfortable in my classroom that, when I gave my end-of-the-year speech this year, I didn’t even write it; I just started speaking and the words flowed. And, as I was speaking, I started to realize that this was the feeling I had been searching for in my writing. I felt home. It’s like I was telling my students in my speech: like the firefly, you already know how to make light. You already know.
I already knew. All this time, I already knew I was doing what I am destined to do. I just had to step back to realize it.
Photo Credit: Charles Jeffrey Danoff
Submit to the Feminist Odyssey Blog Carnival: First Edition
June 3rd, 2012When I first started in the feminist blogging community back in 2009, there was an awesome feminist blog carnival that I would submit posts to each month. It was a great way to get my pieces read and to find new blogs to follow. In fact, when I did my literacy interview in 2009-2010 for my master’s capstone project, most people noted that blog carnivals were among the best ways to build a community online.
Unfortunately, that carnival that I participated in is no longer active. Which is why I decided to start a new one! It gives me great pleasure to announce to you that the Feminist Odyssey Blog Carnival is now accepting submissions for the first edition to be published right here on Small Strokes on Wednesday, June 27, 2012.
If you’ve written anything about feminism in the past month or so, please consider submitting it to the blog carnival by filling out the form here. This month, the theme will be “female friendships.” Submit any post you’ve written recently – or write a whole new one! – about your female friendships. Has your feminism strengthened or hurt your female friendships? Have you been able to forge new ones through the community? Have you seen any good movies or books about female friendships? The possibilities are endless!
Be sure to check out the ground rules, then submit and spread the word!
I can’t wait to read all of your awesome posts!
Moving on Up
June 2nd, 2012I’ve been neglecting you again, internets. I have so much to write, and yet I haven’t written anything at all for the past week. I mean, I guess it’s understandable, seeing as I’m going to be a homeowner as of Tuesday, and a week from today we are moving into said home. I’ve also been trying to get as much paid writing done as possible for obvious reasons. I mean, we’re about to drop some serious coin on property, let alone turning that property into somewhere we want to spend our time, so it’d be nice to have the extra cash. But, I’m also making good on my contractual obligations, which is important, as well.
Seriously, though? I’m a bit overwhelmed. And I’m also currently lacking a space to do any writing. Remember my awesome office that we re-designed last summer? The one I loved writing in so much because I was surrounded by books and bright colors?
Yea. Now it looks like this:
And that was even a few days ago, so if you can believe it, it’s gotten worse since then. Currently, I am sitting on the couch among even more boxes and packing supplies trying to write this post. I know I shouldn’t put so much stock into a space, but I do. I need the good vibes and writing mojo that comes from a clean house and organized space. I can’t even get my head wrapped around writing this post, which is really just me complaining about the mess our apartment is in. Which should be easy, considering it’s all I can think about lately.
I am SO EXCITED to be out of this apartment and into our new home. I think, at this point, it’s the anticipation that’s literally eating away at me. I’m trying to decide which wait was harder, this one or the one leading up to the wedding. I think it’s this one.
OK, internets. It’s time to sign off for at least a few hours so we can finish (ahem… start…) packing the kitchen and the bathrooms. If you need more of my packing woes, feel free to follow me on Twitter and/or Tumblr. I usually complain in short bursts on those venues. I’d love to have some interaction with you all over there to keep me motivated!
It’s amazing how much stuff you can acquire in a two-bedroom apartment in two years.
Wish us luck!
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Our Stories Have Come Together
May 23rd, 2012
My thesis for my final speech: "Like the firefly, you already know how to make light."
As happy as I am that the school year is over, I am going to miss these students so much. I’m excited for what this summer is going to bring – new house, new people, new writing opportunities, new adventures – but I want to come back from this summer to these same kids.
That’s the best and worst part of teaching – having to meet a new crop of students each year. If you have a really difficult class, it’s nice to be able to say goodbye to them at the end of the year and look forward to something new. But if you have a really great class that clicks well with you and that you’ve developed a good rapport with, it’s hard to say goodbye. At the end of this year already:
I’m already wondering how this awesome year came about. What can I do to recreate these experiences and build on them next year? What did I do differently this year that I didn’t do last year?
I can’t answer these questions now; there is no formula for a good school year, and so much of it is out of my control. I can, however, take comfort in knowing that this year’s students and I will be in touch long after this year is over. Like I told them, in true English major metaphor fashion: “We had separate stories before this year began. Now, our stories have come together, and you cannot part them again. We are now a part of each other’s lives, each other’s stories. You can’t change that.”
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Is Pinterest the Problem?
May 21st, 2012
Red Pinterest logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
There’s an interesting post on the Ms. Magazine Blog today that addresses the root of the issue I brought up about whether or not fashion is feminist. The true issue? Pinterest.
Truthfully, I did not address the problematic nature of Pinterest at all. It is a hotbed of consumerism; I can’t hide from that. People basically go on there and find stuff they want to buy or create, and then collect it all in one place. When we talk about the problematic nature of consumerism and marketing, we have to talk about the way Pinterest plays in to that now. It has changed the way we see advertisements – because it truly is one big advertisement. It just tricks us into thinking that it’s not by making everything look really pretty and interactive. You think that what you are doing is creating pinboards of stuff you like, when what you are actually doing is collecting advertisements for stuff all in one place. And then, probably, buying that stuff.
The Ms. Magazine Blog article argues that, as feminists, we should use the space to further our feminist agendas. It ends with the question of whether or not Pinterest is worth our time, or if it’s beyond saving:
Perhaps another important question to consider is whether or not Pinterest is even worth our time. I want to believe so. As an educator, media-maker and scholar, I find it terribly difficult to work towards transformative institutional change without having the necessary tools at my disposal. So here we may have a useful tool in Pinterest. Considering that Pinterest (along with the newly publicly traded multi-billion-dollar social network, Facebook) is here to stay, at least for now, why not use the platform to expand the reach of our projects in ways that benefit our community interests?
While I see the point Conley is trying to make, I originally joined Pinterest to have a space away from my activism. I know that true activism is 24/7, and I strive to make a difference with everything I do. My consciousness cannot be turned off with a switch, and so I feel that most everything I post reflects the way I see the world – through a feminist lens. Pinterest, however, is different for me. There are a lot of activists on Pinterest that I consciously do not follow, simply because I’ve created it as a space for me, and not for my activism. I’m not buying merchandise from the site, nor am I posting anything actively harmful like some of the body shaming posts referenced in the Ms. article. What you’ll see on my boards is, admittedly heteronormative and cis-gendered, but that is because I am a heterosexual, cis-gendered, girly-girl in full nesting mode and I want to collect pretty pictures of things I could do with my hair, clothing, and home. What I do not want to wade through are pictures of famous feminists or quotes about how awesome feminism is. I have blogs, Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook for that. Seems like enough to me. Every once in a while, I need a break. Before, I took a break by telling everyone I quit this blog. Now, I take a break by looking at Pinterest. Frankly, I think the latter is more conducive to my activism being productive and helpful to members of the feminist community, because it means I can take mini steps away while still maintaining an active presence online.
I just want this one space that represents me. I want a space where I can go and look at pictures of braids, blazers, and backyards without feeling the need to feminist it all to death (yes, I used “feminist” as a verb). Like I talked about the other day, having cute hairstyles and dressing up makes me feel confident and able to take on the world, feminist-style. If Pinterest helps me get there, what’s so wrong with that?
Is Fashion Feminist?
May 19th, 2012
Me, being a fashionista on Tumblr.
I haven’t been around here for a few days, mostly because I’ve been buried under a pile of papers that needed to be graded. Incidentally, they were some of the best papers I have ever read, but more on that later. While I’ve been absent here, I found myself more present on other sites, specifically Pinterest and Tumblr. I find it easier to be active on those sites, because I don’t have to think so much about what I’m writing, and I can use them from my phone easier than I can WordPress. So it makes sense that I’d be active on those sites while neglecting this one.
Pinterest has truly changed my life, though. It has made me see that everything about my world – my home, my food, myself – can be prettier. It has me thinking about ways that I can put in a little effort and very little money and yield huge results. (So this is what the DIYers have been doing for years? And to think I shunned them!)
Since I don’t yet have a house (we close June 5!), those ideas are theoretical. Since I’ve pretty much mastered the art of cooking for friends and family (pun intended), I don’t look for recipes as much as I do other things. Since I do have myself and a closet full of clothes I’ve neglected for years, I’ve been focused a lot on my fashion lately. In fact, I’ve even started posting some of my own fashion ideas on Tumblr.
As this weekend is the This Is What A FACE Looks Like campaign, and we are focused on making women feel comfortable with themselves without putting in the extra work that makeup requires, I find myself wondering whether or not my new obsession with fashion is, in fact, feminist.
On one side, it is exhausting to be perfect all the time. But the message that we send young girls and adult women alike is that you have to be perfect. All the time. If you don’t pick that perfect outfit or if you dare leave the house without makeup, you’ll be called out by every major tabloid in the nation, or worse in Hillary Clinton’s case – she was called out by a major news outlet. As women, we truly are judged by our appearance, and that isn’t fair. Men aren’t judged that way, and they definitely don’t feel the pressure to strive toward aesthetic perfection that women do. And let’s not even get started on the ways women are marketed to. Ad companies and corporations play on women’s insecurities – insecurities that they have created to sell products – to make them buy all of this fashion and makeup stuff to begin with. If more women fought against the patriarchy and refused to be “pretty” all the time, the norm would, hopefully, slowly shift toward women wearing whatever made them comfortable rather than whatever made them look the best.
On the flip side, my personal belief is that, if your day isn’t worth looking your best for, then what is? When my Fearless Females did the no makeup day this year, I told them that I felt like it was a throw-away day from the beginning. When I don’t put the effort into putting my best face forward, I feel like I might as well have just stayed in bed. And this wasn’t a philosophy of life that came about due to insecurities, I think. When I was in college, my fashion sense consisted of whatever the hell I felt like putting on, and always Birkenstocks. When I started student teaching and had to learn how to dress professionally, my best friend visited and threw away all of my hippie clothes. As I went through my first years of teaching, I encountered (and still do) many, many people who believed that teaching is not a job worth dressing up for. I, however, believe that, if you want to be treated like a professional – whether you are a man or a woman – you need to dress like one. So I do. Furthermore, my fashion sense is not made up of stilettos and skirts. I’m also not spending a ton of money making myself look good. I’m just learning how to tie scarves in new ways or rolling up sleeves on blazers. Most of these items have been collecting dust in my closet forever, and I’m pulling them out after being inspired to use them. In that way, I’m not spending money trying to fill my insecurities; rather, I’m responsibly recycling old clothing.
In short, I don’t have an answer to this question. All I know is that I like feeling put together; it makes me feel confident. Whether that is because I am a product of a society that has told me this is how I must feel or not, I don’t know. I’m not the first to wrestle with this issue, and I’m sure I won’t be the last. But what I do know is that, for now, I like feeling good about myself, and clothing is a vehicle for that.
What do you think? Is fashion feminist? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Julia Alvarez’s A Wedding in Haiti – Ms. Magazine Blog
May 15th, 2012
Feminist novelist Julia Alvarez (How the García Girls Lost Their Accents, In the Time of the Butterflies), known for her clear, unaffected prose and her keen sense of justice, applies her powers of observation to her own life in a new memoir, A Wedding in Haiti. In her most intimate book to date, Alvarez delves into her own closest relationships–with her aging parents, her husband and a young Haitian man named Piti. Most of all, though, Alvarez takes us deep into her relationship with Haiti, a land that speaks to her while testing her bonds with others, her confidence in herself and her faith in humanity.
I really, really liked the book. So, you should go read my full review (no spoilers!) and then read the whole book. You won’t be sorry you did.
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This Is What MY Face Looks Like
May 11th, 2012I’m sure you all have heard by now that Hillary Clinton was recently attacked by the media for deciding not to wear makeup in public. Yes, it’s true. Hillary Clinton, arguably most powerful female politician in our nation, is being picked on for having flaws in her skin and not covering them up with makeup.
Um, for real?!
My Fearless Females have tackled this issue before by not wearing makeup to school. Even before all this hoopla about Hillary, we knew that the beauty industry is a multi-billion (yes, you read that right) dollar industry. Makeup is something women are told is a fun way to express yourself, but underneath that, with images of bare-faced celebrities coupled with headlines showing disgust gracing every tabloid, what we’re really told about makeup is: you’d better wear it or else people will make fun of you. Hillary Clinton is just one more example, and the worst thing about it is that, no matter how successful or powerful you are, you are not safe.
How are we supposed to tell our girls (and ourselves) that they are beautiful just the way they are if this keeps going on?
Shelly Blair has an answer, and I think it’s brilliant. Over at Fair and Feminist, she’s started a campaign called “This is what a FACE looks like,” and I think it’s brilliant. She’s urging women to change their social networking photos to images of themselves without makeup for two days – on May 17th and 18th – to show the world what women really look like.
I’m all in. And here’s proof:
Will you participate?
Can’t I Just Work Out in Peace?
May 9th, 2012
It’s been a while since I’ve written about being harassed at the gym. This is probably because, once Tim and I moved in together, I joined a gym that was closer to our apartment. It is also much more expensive and associated with a local hospital, so they offer many more services besides just a weight room, some cardio options, and a group fitness room. I think you pay for what you get in terms of gym memberships, and, unfortunately for many women, in order to not be harassed at the gym, they need to pay more for a nicer facility.
Since I started working out there a few years ago, I haven’t been harassed once. No men come up to me and try to tell me how to work out. They don’t yell at me across the gym, either. I don’t get hit on. I don’t get gawked at. All in all, working out at this facility has been a very pleasant experience.
A little while ago, though, and older man – maybe in his 70’s – started talking to me when I was on the bike. Thinking he was just a friendly fellow, I responded a bit, and then during a lull in the conversation, I made a show of putting my headphones in. He left me alone for the rest of my workout.
We must have very similar workout schedules, though, because since then, he has found me on every single morning workout I’ve done and stood in front of me to give me a thumbs-up sign. Now, I’m not one to turn down encouragement, but I do not like to talk to people at the gym at 5:30 in the morning, nor do I like the idea of anyone standing over me as I’m working out, whether they are giving me a thumbs-up or not.
Besides that, how does this guy know that I haven’t had some traumatic experience in my past with a stalker or someone who has gotten a bit too close to me. Standing over me to say hello during my workout could really be triggering to someone who has had a past traumatic experience. Fortunately, I have not, but I’m still left with a creepy feeling. I mean, I don’t even know this guy. I know he’s probably just trying to be nice, but I’m one of those people who believes that if you don’t know me, don’t talk to me.
I’ve tried every nonverbal communication option in the book. If I don’t look at him, he stands there till I do, sometimes trying to talk over my headphones. If I don’t smile at him, he doesn’t seem phased. If I turn away, he just yells hello loud enough to be heard over my headphones.
I’m not sure if this is harassment or not. Probably not. I mean, I did see him doing the same thing to another male patron a ways away from me the other day. But still, can’t I just go to the gym in peace? Shouldn’t my having my headphones in, not responding, not smiling, and turning away be enough of a hint for this guy?
Maybe I should just start working out at home.
Photo credit: lululemon athletica.
I Admit, I Love a Good Romantic Comedy
May 7th, 2012
Objectively, I hate movies that fall under the romantic comedy heading. Modern romantic comedies are usually completely degrading to women, and almost always follow the exact same plot line: Boy meets girl. Girl and boy resist falling for each other for one reason or another. Girl meets another guy. Boy gets upset. (Or boy meets another girl; girl gets upset.) They fight and don’t talk for a while. Then, someone realizes they loved the other all along. Subsequently, they rush to each other’s arms and kiss and live happily ever after.
I think this has probably been the accepted format for romantic comedies for, well, ever. I can even think of some Shakespearean classics that follow the same story line.
Most often, the women in these movies end up looking either desperate for love or horribly confused. The men don’t fare much better; they are usually either portrayed as players or idiots. Definitely not representative of equal partnerships or great beginnings to relationships.
But I keep watching them. Over and over, I fire up my Netflix and go straight for the list of rom-coms. I watch and complain throughout the entire movie, but my outward whining does little to mask the “awwwwwww!” feeling I get when the music swells and the couple finally realizes they were meant to be together.
There is something comforting, I think, about the romantic comedy genre. It’s nice to be able to tune out for an hour and a half and know pretty much what is going to happen. Sometimes, that’s just what you need at the end of a long day. This is probably the same reason people so enjoy those awful, half-hour sitcoms on TV during primetime; we’ve worked really hard all day, and we want to watch something uplifting and mildly amusing with a narrative arc we don’t need to think too much about.
There’s also something to be said about the happily ever after. Romantic comedies have really ruined the way we look at relationships, to be sure. This genre would have us believe that, after the first kiss, they live happily ever after. Anyone who has ever been in any kind of relationship knows that just isn’t true. People fight, couples break up, and sometimes they really don’t get back together. However, sometimes it’s nice to feel like, in a world where it seems things rarely end like the fairy tales, sometimes things do work out. It gives you hope for humanity, in a way.
Even knowing that romantic comedies portray the genders in the ultimate of bad lights and ruin our view of realistic relationships, it’s sometimes just nice to watch two people end up happy.
And, hey, if they’re happy, who cares about equal partnerships? Even when talking about equity in relationships, aren’t we really talking about a way to find happiness with another person?
Image courtesy of he(art)geek.
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How Do You Leave Work at Work When You Work at Home?
May 3rd, 2012
In the past, I have been really terrible at leaving work at work. As a teacher, it is really hard not to take things home with you. This year, however, Tim and I have made a really conscious effort to leave the work at work and only grade or plan at home during down time on the weekends. I have to say, it is really great to be able to do that. Sometimes it just isn’t possible; when I collect 135 essays, most of the time I need to grade a few of them at home, and, if I’m really determined not to take anything home, sometimes I have to come in early or stay late in order to get what I want done before I leave. However, leaving the work at work helps in a number of ways. First, it doesn’t make me resent the time I’m not spending with my family, thus allowing me to enjoy my job and my home life more. Second, it forces me to be more productive while I’m at work; when I’m there, I’m focused on my job and when I’m home, I’m focused on home. Third, it actually frees up a lot of time for me to do fun stuff with Tim, with my family and friends, and other work I also enjoy doing (like writing). All-in-all, it’s a great thing.
But, when I do write from home, I sometimes feel stressed and overworked and like I wish I had more time to spend with Tim. Even though it is personally fulfilling for me, I still feel like I should be doing other things like cooking, cleaning, or enjoying a glass of wine with my husband. Every time I decide to come home and throw a frozen pizza in the oven so I can work on writing some articles, I feel good about the fact that my writing life has gotten to a point where I’m very happy with it, but I feel bad about the fact that we are eating frozen pizza. Again.
When Tim decided to take on a second job last summer and keep it through the upcoming school year, I hated it. During the summer, it was fine, but when it wormed its way into our lives during the school year, it was awful; he was never home. Somehow, though, I feel my writing jobs are different. Why? Is it because I feel that my second job is personally fulfilling while his was not? Do I secretly like the stress of being a provider for my family? Do I secretly like the stress of being able to do it all?
This summer, I am going to devote time to my writing, but after that, I think I’ll have to come up with a better schedule. Right now, I am able to compartmentalize teaching and home, but not writing and home – probably because I do writing at home. But writing is a job like any other, and maybe having set hours for that job would be helpful in balancing my work and home lives.
Do any of you have second jobs? If so, how do you handle the work-work-life balance?
Photo Credit: gwdexter
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