Pressure to be Pregnant
I’m not pregnant.
Lately, I feel like I have to wear a t-shirt with these words emblazoned on it so people can stop skirting around the issue.
I’ve noticed you haven’t been blogging so much recently. Any particular reason?
Oh, you and Tim bought a new car with a huge trunk. Any particular reason?
What are you drinking there? Just water? Any particular reason?
I’ve been asked these questions outright. All within the last month, and sometimes more than once. I wish I were kidding.
Yes, there are particular reasons for all of these things. I haven’t been blogging so much recently because I’ve got two steady paid writing gigs and, since this one makes me diddly squat, it often takes a backseat when I also have a brand new curriculum I’m teaching at school (not to mention the rest of my full-time teaching responsibilities), a new dog (plus the old one), a new house, and the holidays coming up. Oh yea, and a husband I like to spend time with once every few weeks. Tim and I bought a new car because he had been driving his since 2005 and it had almost 100,000 miles on it, so you do the math there; the big trunk was a bonus. And for the love of Pete, I’m drinking water because I’m thirsty and I didn’t realize I had to have a glass of wine at every single moment. Leave. Me. Alone.
I, for one (because, apparently, I’m the only one), don’t understand why people A) are so obsessed with babies, B) are so obsessed with me having one, and C) are watching for made-up tell-tale signs that I’m pregnant rather than just chilling out until I share the news myself.
Kate Middleton and Jennifer Anniston, I feel your pain. I might not have paparazzi following me around looking for a baby bump, but it sure feels like it sometimes.
Y’all know me, so you know I’ve written often about remaining childfree. It’s sort of my thing. Call me crazy, but I firmly believe that women and men should have a choice about when – and whether or not – they want to alter their lives forever by bringing a child into the world. For all of my philosophizing on the issue, I’ve always known that Tim and I probably would eventually have children; I just wanted people to back off and let me do it on my own timeframe. And, even if we do have kids, I’m certainly not going to pressure other people to do it. While Tim and I are now almost sure we will, at some point, produce a little Samberts, we are also sure we don’t want to do it now. We’ll do it when we’re ready.
You’re never really ready! Don’t wait until you’re 100% ready because that time will never come!
Yup, I’ve heard that one, too. I can’t tell you how vehemently I disagree with that sentiment. There may always be reasons to have a kid and to not have a kid, but I do believe that you get to the point where you are 100% ready, and that point is when either the pros of having a child outweigh or totally eclipse the cons. I’m 100% sure that I’m not there yet, and I’m also 100% sure that jumping in to having a kid before you’re ready because “you’re never really ready” is just going to exacerbate the fact that you’re not really ready. So we are going to wait until we’re at least more ready than we are now, thankyouverymuch.
For now, I’m going to get another degree of some sort, plan a few vacations, and live the life my husband and I have worked so hard to build. It might be a placeholder, or the calm before the storm, but I’m going to enjoy it.
Photo Credit: futurestreet
Oh lady…. I don’t think there was a full 10 minutes that went by our entire wedding weekend that didn’t include a request for children as soon as possible. I am still getting text messages directing me to go make babies with my new husband. All I can say is I am grateful that everyone wants me to have (apparently) a VERY active sex life, and also that we actually want children in the relatively near future. Seriously though, I think every wedding speech/toast included a public plea for procreation.
Wow. At least people have waited a few years after the wedding to start on us. Probably because I’m so vocal about wanting to wait, or not wanting kids at all.
I’ve been getting this quite a bit lately. From my students I feel it is an innocent question, but from adults I find it downright insulting. I am actually changing gynecologists because she said that same horrible thing to me. (As if she never had to weigh the financial burden of having a child on her Doctor salary!) Why can’t people make small talk about anything else?
Your doctor said you need to start having kids?! Wow… I mean, mine asks if I’m thinking about it, which I see as appropriate because she’d be the one seeing me every week during that time, but pressuring you? Not cool.
Since getting engaged I literally can no longer say “guess what” to anyone anymore.
Ugh. You think they could at least wait until the wedding!
One of the unexpected perks to waiting to have kids is the surprise factor. Both of our families were truly caught off guard when we announced we were expecting after 8 years of marriage. After the first 6 months or so of parenthood (which I truly enjoy) my MIL said I must regret not doing this sooner. I told her no, I enjoy my daughter very much BECAUSE we waited until we were ready to take that leap.
Love this! Thanks for sharing!