Review: He Said What?: Women Write About Moments When Everything Changed
He Said What?: Women Write About Moments When Everything Changed edited by Victoria Zackheim (Click on the image to buy the book from Powells.com or the text to buy from BarnesandNoble.com and I will receive a sliver of the profits from the sale.)
A little while ago, Seal Press graciously sent me copies of several books to review, and this was one of them. I specifically requested this book because I was excited to see what a bunch of brilliant women had to say about what men have said to them that changed their lives. I was not disappointed. The essays in this collection were as diverse as the authors, though most of them did deal with either a man with whom the author was in a relationship or the author’s father. Considering these are the two most important men we ever encounter, it makes sense that women would write about them. Aside from that, though, the essays are extremely diverse. Some things said to the women are even positive, which I did not expect. There is also an essay by Maxinne Rhea Leighton that talks about her boss – a woman who wanted her employees to refer to her as a man because the business world is a man’s world and she was willing to do anything to get ahead (including poisoning the author!). Other highlights from the collection include one which moved me to tears: Colleen Robinson’s essay, “Brotherly Love” in which she talks about her brother’s coming out and subsequent battle with HIV/AIDS, as well as the essay that followed that kept the tears flowing, “My Real Father” by Rose Castillo Guilbault. “My Real Father” describes Guilbault’s struggle to accept her step-father, only to find out after his death that he truly considered her his real daughter. There are many, many more essays in this collection, each one as good as the last.
Victoria Zackheim did a wonderful job of organizing these essays, as well. One voice seemed to flow into another, and stories were placed in an order that connected them and made the book seem entirely cohesive. With such varied authors, this must have been no small feat, but Zackheim did quite well. This is an essay collection you can easily read from cover to cover rather than picking through to find the essays that appeal to you.
Reading this book, of course, got me thinking about what the men in my life have said to me that have changed the way I view the world. In my limited life experience, I already have several candidates for this, and I haven’t been faced with an affair or divorce like so many women in this book have. However, I think the best “He said what?” moment for me was when Tim and I were first dating and asked him what his favorite part of me was. Without hesitation, he answered, “Your legs.” From the time at 12 years old and I noticed my knees turned awkwardly inward and my thighs spread out like goo when I sat down until that moment, I had hated my legs so much that I wore jeans and long pants straight through the summer. But when he said that to me, I realized concretely that my perception of myself was off (even though I had known this theoretically for a long time), and it changed the way I dealt with my body image for the better.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone interested in the relationships between men and women, and, honestly, to any woman who has ever interacted with a man and thought, He said what?! In other words, I’d recommend this to every woman alive.
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