Guest Post: Playing Princess with Purpose
Image by Www.CourtneyCarmody.com/ via Flickr
Today’s post is a guest post from Kristin Morton. Kristin does not blog, but this submission makes me think she should. We spend a lot of time talking about how girls don’t have to play princess when they are younger. They should have options! What about doctor? Firefighther? Policewoman? And, while this is absolutely true, what happens when your little girl would rather play princess than anything else? Kristin has an answer, and it maybe isn’t what you’d expect.
This second baby grew inside me like a brilliant idea. It started small, and then with time and attention blossomed into a most amazing creature. I will not forget the sensation of pure joy that I had in the delivery room when my husband told me that we had a girl. I cried tears that I had no idea were waiting, felt joy that I hadn’t known I’d feel. I watched my husband realize what it meant to him to be the father of a girl.
Having a girl baby provides challenges for a feminist mommy. It starts with trying to avoid baby clothes with words like ‘Diva’ and ‘Princess’. I want my girl to become neither. I searched the racks for anything but pink and purple in which to dress this mass of power and intelligence that I was snuggling. I remember buying my son pajamas with astronauts, police officers, fire fighters and doctors. For my daughter, I could find only dancers and princesses. Cute baby animals were plentiful- but there was no sign of a veterinarian. As I looked through the choices, I felt like I was the only person that realized that she was already so much more than the world expected of her.
When she started eating, I cringed every time someone rewarded her for being a ‘good eater’ or ‘eating everything on her plate’. I know the minefield that awaits girls when it comes to food. Hearing her praised for the amount that she ate made me nervous. I know that a healthy relationship with food is an uphill battle for a girl in our world, and I wanted her to be well-armed.
Now at three, she has a clearly developed set of likes and dislikes. I tried my best to steer her toward the toys, games, and books that were less stereotypical, more child-driven and imaginative, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that I was holding a cap gun in a nuclear battle. Refusing her access to the girl toy aisles would be the same as telling my son that he couldn’t play with trucks or trains. Completely unreasonable. The feminist mommy has to choose her battles. I know I can’t talk to her about the fact that Disney princesses do not have mothers and that the only adult women in the princess movies are scary witches. I really, really want to, but I can’t. I can’t bear to tarnish the things that she thinks are wonderful and special. Instead, I teach myself about Strawberry Shortcake and Tinkerbell, and my house now resembles the pink aisles at Toys ‘R Us.
Here’s how I survive. I play princess with zeal and enthusiasm. I tell our daughter that we are beautiful and that putting on the princess accessories makes us ‘fancy’. I put on the boas and the clip on earrings. I love how they sparkle. I tell her that I appreciate the choices that she makes as she adorns us. When we are dressed as she wants us to be, I survey our kingdom with her. I ask her what she loves about our kingdom. We practice gratitude and appreciation. Then we talk about what we would change in the kingdom. We are the rulers and we get to make things just how we want them. We practice being powerful. Some days we make the stuffed animals our subjects. We give them tea and cookies. I watch quietly as she makes sure to give each of our subjects equal amounts of what she serves. I love her sense of fairness and justice. Some days we pick beautiful gowns to go to the ball with the prince. On those days we talk about what we want the prince to be like. I tell her why her Daddy is my prince, and about the things that made me pick him. We giggle and laugh. She loves it when I make crazy faces and pretend that the tea is too hot. I realize that we are together, playing, laughing and talking about important things. When I play princess with my girl, I am conveying to her that what she cares about and thinks has value to me. And just as I don’t want any woman to be judged on what she looks like and wears, I have learned not to judge my daughter for her gowns and tiaras.
Kristin Morton is a feminist, activist wife and mom. She loves laughing, Cosmopolitans, neighborhood cookouts and fierce debates. She embraces all that is crazy, fascinating, beautiful and challenging and has a giant vision for the world that she tries every day to share with her children.