Small Strokes Big Oaks

Tim and I have been struggling quite a bit lately about how to incorporate our pro-LGBTQ and pro-marriage equality activism and opinions into our wedding.  We’re not quite sure the best way to do this, and we have been back and forth about it quite a bit.  Of course, as is usually the case with most things I do, I saw this article from A Practical Wedding just as Tim and I were beginning to think about the incorporation of this particular belief set into our wedding.  And, as is also usually the case with most things I do, this was an article that I wish I had earlier in my wedding planning process.  

The post talks quite a bit about being careful in your selection of vendors – selecting only vendors that support LGBTQ marriage rights and include those ceremonies in their portfolios.  Tim and I were very careful in selecting our vendors – we used mostly women who had either started their own businesses or who work out of their homes, and, if possible, we used friends and family members to add a sort of communal aspect to the wedding.  Weddings are not, after all, just about the bride and groom.  They’re about family and community, and a whole group of people willing to come together to support you and love you in your lives together.  However, since same-sex marriage is not yet legal in Illinois, it never occurred to me that there might be some photographers, for example, in the state that included same-sex ceremonies in their portfolios.  This might make me a bad intersectional feminist, but we really were focused on fighting all gender roles and traditions in general in this wedding rather than specifically voicing our opinions about LGBTQ rights.  I do believe that working for these rights intertwine with work against traditional gender roles in all activism – fighting the patriarchy can come in many different forms – but I do also believe it is important to speak out against all oppression.

But then, how to speak out about this at your wedding?  And how much activism is appropriate at a wedding?  Do your friends and family really need to know all about your political opinions, or is quietly knowing that you’ve worked and will continue to work to fight oppression enough?  And if your friends and family don’t know how you feel about certain political issues, are you really an activist at all?  Shouldn’t you then take a look at your life and your activism and make some changes?  Is a note at the bottom of your program really saying anything, or is it best to just keep it to yourself at the wedding (it is, after all, only one day) and use your lives together to fight for equality?

I’m not sure; I wish I had answers for you.  Tim and I have incorporated so much of our activism into this wedding quietly (more on that later) that it seems like a note in the bottom of the program or to say anything aloud would be out of place and just take away from the message we want to send.  Either that or it just wouldn’t be enough.  It almost seems at this point in our planning process that sending a message of love and acceptance in a quieter way and perhaps making a personal donation might be a more appropriate way to start our lives together.  

What do you think?  How did you or how do you plan to incorporate your activism at your weddings?