On Body Image: An Admission
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I’ve admitted before that I’m skinny. Today, I’d like to admit that I work out and track the food I eat.
I don’t work out as much as I used to. In college, it was at least twice a day. While at my first job, it was at least once a day. Now that I have other things to do, it’s about 2-5 times a week. I work out for my physical and mental health, yes, but I also do it to maintain my appearance. As far as tracking my food, I use the site Livestrong.com as a food diary and not much more. It tells me all sorts of useful things, like how much water I need to drink to reach 8 ounces; how much protein, fiber, cholesterol, sodium, etc. I’ve consumed; how much exercise I’ve done. And how many calories I’ve eaten.
I don’t need to count calories. I don’t really. I truly do log the food to keep track of protein, fiber, sodium, and cholesterol. It’s just an unfortunate coincidence that the calories section takes up so much of the screen.
You’ll have to take my word for it: When I don’t work out, I feel crummy, so I work out. Also, I don’t get upset if I go “over” my calorie allotment as according to Livestrong.com, and I certainly don’t try to make up for it the next day, or anything like that, but part of me feels a little bad that I talk so much about healthy body image, yet I still do these things.
Back when I started This Is What A Beautiful Bride Looks Like, I caught some heat for saying that I wanted to do some workouts for my arms because of my strapless wedding gown. I was told by several people that this was un-feminist and totally against the spirit of my project. I, however, don’t necessarily believe this is true. The spirit of the project, as well as this series of posts, was not to say that people should not try to lose weight or look and feel good through exercise and diet if that is their choice. It was to say that no one should feel that they need to reach those unattainable magazine images of models and actors, and that everyone is beautiful, truly.
So, should I feel like less of a feminist or body image activist because I work out and log food? Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. I guess the jury is still out on this one. Thoughts welcome in the comments.
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I don’t think there is one right way to be a feminist and an activist, and this certainly doesn’t make you any less of either. You have come so far in your body image journey (as have I, as have many women) from obsession (I’m another guilty former double-workout-er) to a more healthy balance. Up until recently I kept track of what I ate (and spent – they went hand and hand mostly) until I realized that my habits were already healthy and in place. I work out, but it’s because my body feels alive when I do so, and I get to spend time with this vessel that carries my thoughts. So, no, you’re not a bad feminist if you want to work out and watch what you eat, because all humans need to in order to stay healthy. But for women, given all the media/societal mixed messages, we just need to know our line between internal health and external pressure and when to take a step back.
I don’t think being a body image activist is discredit by maintaining your appearance the way that you want it maintained. Being a body image activist, to me, is more about what you encourage others to do. If you think everyone should exercise and eat healthy and be skinny because that’s the “right” and “acceptable” thing to do, then there might be a problem. I think that because you encourage people to view themselves as beautiful and don’t think a person’s worth is tied up in how they look, then you are doing a pretty good job at being a body image activist.
You shouldn’t be discredited because you maintain and like maintaining a certain body image, just as long as you don’t look down on those who don’t and/or can’t maintain that same appearance. Which I’m not saying you, personally, do, but more as a general statement.
My problem often is with women that say “No, I just log calories/work out/shave my legs/wax my pubes because it makes me feel good”, that I wonder if they REALLY do it purely, solely, entirely because it makes them feel good – or because on some subconscious level, it’s because of the pressure from society and the beauty ideal.
But, in the end, thinking that way makes me just as judgmental as people who automatically think all fat people are lazy, ugly slobs. Not all fat people are lazy; not all calorie-counting people are control freaks.
This beauty ideal has messed with all of us, thin or fat or normal, whatever we like to do in life and our free time. It’s colonized our minds and is holding our self-esteem hostage, saying it will only let it free and it may only belong to us if we live up to these impossible standards. And it makes us fight amongst each other, when we should be standing up together.
You have no obligation to defend your eating and living habits to anyone, whether they be healthy or not. Whether you eat two cakes a day or two carrots. I think that bothers me the most: how quick people are to start defending their own behavior, because we still apparently feel this big eye of society floating above us, watching, judging over what we eat and do with our bodies. I say, you want to count your calories, go ahead, I want that extra piece of pie and not think about any number, I should be free to do that too.
The problem isn’t what we do or don’t do, but that we are constantly being judged for it. Worrying about that judgment is what drains our energy from doing actually making progress in society. Stop judging each other and ourselves, and aim our energy at the real problem: just why the heck is the sole worth of women everywhere still reduced to how physically attractive they are, and how are we going to overthrow that nonsense?