Small Strokes Big Oaks

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Ok. I need to do some venting about the bridal industry.

You may have noticed that I haven’t blogged about wedding plans in quite some time. This is because I have the good fortune to be very organized and relatively decisive and to surround myself with people who are the same. Once I decided on a venue and a dress, the rest has been relatively simple: I like this save the date. Done. I want my uncle to marry us. Done. I am a vegetarian so I don’t really care what kind of chicken the guests eat. Mom and Tim will decide that. Done.

Once all of those big things were decided, I was afforded the luxury of taking a little break, which was perfect because I have had a few other little things to concern myself with like my job and my thesis. Oh yea, and my sanity.

So picture this: I’m working out at the gym for the first time in two weeks.  It is the first time in two weeks that I haven’t been sick or had a ton of grading to do or had to write just one more section of my thesis.  The gym, when I’m able to get there, has been a sanctuary for me this year, and something vital for my sanity.  When I’m there, I’m able to use my iPhone to catch up on e-mails, read blogs, tweet, and play music in my headphones to tune out the world.  A major benefit of my iPhone: I’m constantly connected and can catch up at any time.  A major drawback to my iPhone: my phone can ring at any time.

I’ve been at the gym for about 20 minutes and just starting to feel really good about my workout when my phone rings.  It’s the golf club where we’re having our ceremony and reception with a few questions.  It’s a cardio day, so I’m not counting reps or anything like that, so I answer.  Just when I get back in my groove after hanging up, my phone rings again.  It’s a wedding photographer wondering if I want to set up a meeting with them.  I politely told them I had just chosen my wedding photographer earlier that week (which was actually true).  Back in my groove again, the phone rings and it is a store calling to tell me about their wedding jewelry.  After a few “uh huh”‘s and a “thanks” I hang up.  At this point, I’m wondering what sort of calling list I got myself on recently as I continue my trek on the treadmill.

Then was the call that broke the camel’s back, or however that saying is supposed to go.  It went like this:

Me: (treadmill breathless) Hello?
Vendor: Hello, this is _______ Limousine Service.
Me: Hi.  I do not need a limousine for my wedding if that is what you’re calling about.

At this point, I’m expecting the person to say “OK!” and hang up.  But no, it would not be that easy.

Vendor: Well, how are you getting from your church to your reception?

As if it is any of their business.

Me: That’s a little presumptuous of you to assume I’m getting married at a church, isn’t it?
Vendor: (a little put off, but not giving up) Oh.  Well.  Yes, I suppose.  Well, how are you going to get from your reception to your hotel?
Me: A cab.
Vendor: Oh!  You don’t want to take a CAB to your hotel!

Now, the NUMBER ONE thing that has bothered me about wedding vendors since this whole wedding planning process started has been when they tell me what I do and do not want.  You may not know me very well personally so you’ll have to take my word for it, but there isn’t much about me that says “I have no idea what I want, so please tell me how to feel about this.”  And there certainly wasn’t anything about this particular conversation with __________ Limousine Service that said “Please sell me a limousine because I have no idea if I want one or not.”  So I told this guy as much and hung up, irritated, contemplating what is wrong with the world and the wedding industry.

Please don’t get me wrong; I am SO EXCITED for my wedding I can’t even contain myself.  Every time I look at a picture of my dress, I get giddy.  Every time I talk about it, my friends and family can’t shut me up for a good hour.  However, I’m finding more and more that the wedding industry is inherently problematic and is set up to prey on people who A) don’t know what they want and will spend money on what other people tell them they want, and B) don’t think about how problematic it is in the first place.  For someone who A) pretty obviously knows what she wants and B) deals with and thinks about “the problematic” (I put it in quotes because it is a noun in this sense…) on a daily basis, this can be frustrating.

I understand, this is how these people make their money in a tough economy.  They need to sell their goods and services because, let’s face it, the first thing to go on a tight budget is probably the limousine and other excessive details that won’t really matter in the long run!  However, I feel sometimes that the industry itself is just unfair.  First, there are these women who are conditioned by the media to want all of these things at their weddings, but they are so overcharged with emotions and life changes that there’s no possible way they can make all of these decisions.  Then, take all of this glitzy stuff that is already overpriced just because the word “wedding” is attached to it, show it to a woman who doesn’t know what she wants or hasn’t even thought  and tell her she wants it and, yea!  Of course she wants it.  In fact, she NEEDS it!  And why shouldn’t she have it?  This has been the day she’s been dreaming about since she was a child, so the story goes.

Honestly, this is all coming off as a bit harsh.  I’ve bought in to a lot of this wedding industry stuff (both mentally and monetarily) through the past few months.  But thank goodness I have been able to make decisions before even walking in to a store or a vendor’s office.

And thank goodness even MORE for my sensible mom, fiance, and bridesmaids (mostly my mom, honestly, and I’m not just saying that because she reads this sometimes; she has the BEST mom look that she gives me when I say I want something ridiculous for my wedding) who have kept me on a relatively practical path, even when I’ve wanted to stray.  I don’t know how women do it without someone constantly keeping them in check!