Small Strokes Big Oaks

Danine Spencer

This post on body image comes from the wonderful, talented, and beautiful Danine Spencer. You can find her blog at http://danine.net/ and follow her on Twitter at @DanineSpencer.

There are lots of reasons to hate my body.

I’m overweight.
I’ve had acne since I was seven years old.
I am prematurely graying.
I need a haircut and color, badly.
I’m short.

I could write an entire post about how any one of these things have decimated my self-concept. Any such post would have to be written in past tense, though. Whenever I look in the mirror lately and I feel bad because my skin isn’t clear or my roots are showing, I am reminded that I am standing up, looking in the mirror, without assistance from anyone or anything.

The simple act of stand in front of a mirror is a miracle.

I am amazed at what my body can do.

I am amazed that my legs can support my trunk (core) muscles, that my trunk can support my neck and shoulders, that my neck can support my head. I am amazed that I can hold my head up. I am amazed that when my brain tells my left foot to move, it moves, and when it tells my right foot to move, lo and behold, it moves, too. I am amazed I can walk.

Four and a half years ago, I couldn’t do any of these things. As a result of either a brain stem stroke or a spinal cord infarct (they’re not sure exactly what happened), I was paralyzed from the neck down. Doctors expected me to be a quadriplegic for the rest of my life, if I even lived. With a few miracles, some amazing therapists and a lot of hard work, I have regained most of my mobility.

I try really hard not to take that for granted. My self-concept changed with my illness. My relationship with my body changed, too. I am so incredibly grateful for what my body can do. My hands can type. My eyes can read. My legs can walk.

My advice to anyone with a body issues is think about what your body can do. What does your body allow you to do that you love? Are you a runner who uses her legs, feet, arms, lungs and heart? A painter who needs her eyes, hands, arms (and other extremities in some cases)? An avid reader who likes to turn the pages with her hands and read the words with her eyes? A musician who depends on her ears to stay on-key?

Love your body for what it can do because it does beautiful things. At the moment, I am thrilled to be typing this sentence because there was a time when I couldn’t have done so.

I’m not saying I don’t have my moments of body-hate. I do. I regularly wish I could get a new body. I hate the pain and fatigue I experience on a daily basis. I wish I had Nicole Kidman’s skin and a perfect size-2 physique.

I have to settle for what I have, though, and I am constantly reminded that I have is pretty amazing.