Small Strokes Big Oaks

This is a series of posts that first appeared over at my personal blog, and it was actually the response I received over there that made me think that keeping a feminist-leaning blog might be my calling.  It also partially inspired my tweeting and Good Wife paper.  I thought these posts might be breathed to new life and new conversation over here, so I present to you: Girl Politics – a series of posts about the hierarchies and cliques girls encounter throughout their lives.

A few months ago, Tim and I were eating a wonderful dinner of the BEST alfredo sauce ever and crab-stuffed whitefish from Trader Joe’s (my new favorite place to go), we discussed the volleyball games I watched the previous day and the girls on his team. Tim was absolutely amazed at how much I knew about the girl politics taking place within his team. Without even talking to any of the girls – seriously, he more or less hid me from them so they wouldn’t obsess over me being his girlfriend – I could tell him who was the leader of the group, who all of the girls were friends with, who tagged along, who had a dominant personality, and – especially – who all of the girls hated.

It was the latter that really got to Tim. He’s a great teacher and coach, and it clearly bothers him that all of his girls “hate” one of the girls on the team. I explained to him, very simply, that she was obviously the most mature-looking and, because of that, the “prettiest.” She was probably also the smartest and most confident because of her “superior” attributes. The girls most likely don’t like her out of jealousy more than anything else.

To reference my TV obsession, Bones, in one particular episode, Dr. Brennan talks to a group of nine-year-old beauty pageant entrants, discussing how the little girls exist in a “cultural structure predicated in the equation of beauty with power. You instinctively align yourselves with someone who holds the greatest potential for a societal supremacy. It’s a Darwinian pressure you’re too young to bear.” Sure, they align themselves with the girl with the “greatest potential for societal supremacy” when they’re nine years old, but when they turn thirteen, that all starts turing around. Girls start being hormonal and jealous, and instead of aligning themselves with someone who appears “superior,” it seems they, instead, align themselves more with girls that are like them and band against girls who are different.

My major question about all of this is why? Why do we allow this to happen in our schools, and in our lives? I was the victim (or a participant?) of girl politics. I still am. Why do we do it and, as teachers and parents, why are we content to just say, “That’s the way it is. They’ll grow out of it” and leave it at that?

To see all of my Girl Politics posts, click here.