Small Strokes Big Oaks

This post is intended to be part of the Fem2.0 blog carnival about caregiving. For more information, or to participate yourself, click here.

Women are, by nature, multi-faceted. This isn’t to say that men aren’t, but that society dictates that a woman must wear many hats during her day: the professional hat, the wife/girlfriend hat, the friend hat, the athlete hat, the daughter hat, and the mom hat, just to name a few. Women are, in essence, excellent code-switchers, able to don a new persona for every occasion. However, I would like to suggest that, in almost every persona a woman adopts lies a caregiver, and because of this, women are placed under an inordinant and unnecessary amount of stress in almost every situation.

From the professional to the personal, being a caregiver is part of every interaction a woman has.  Women, from a very young age, are encouraged to be caregivers with gifts of baby dolls, doll houses, and kitchen sets, and as their personalities are shaped, these formative toys are turned into desires to be teachers, nurses, day care specialists, and other similar jobs.  (Please note that I am a teacher, and I love my job.  I cannot think of a better job for myself.  Nonetheless, it is all about caregiving.)  Women then move from their professional lives to their personal lives, where they are daughters or mothers or wives caring for their families.  They are expected to know what is in the food their children will eat that night, whether or not they prepare it themselves.  They must be sure to know where their children are and what they are doing at every moment.  They must carry band-aids and hand sanitizer and bottles of water in their purses just in case.  Even at play, women must be sure to have these necessary items with them.  They must listen carefully to their husbands and children and brothers and sisters and parents and friends talk about their days and lend a shoulder to cry on or a piece of advice when necessary.  And through all of this, women are expected to be even-tempered – they are, after all, not typically the disciplinarian of the family.

All of these demands place an unnecessary amount of stress on women.  They are pressured to be good at it all, no matter what situation in which they find themselves.  If they are not, they are labeled as “failure,” or “unfit.”  It is ridding our language of this label that I believe is the first step in helping women deal with their caregiving roles.  Within this, we must remove the stigma that comes with asking for help.  Women do not have to do it all!  We should offer help to each other and accept help when offered.  We should also not be afraid to ask for help when we need it.  This, I believe, is the first step in making the caregiving playing field equal.