Small Strokes Big Oaks

Two years ago today, Tim proposed to me. He did it by taking me to the Arboretum (which totally faked me out because it was my idea to go there in the first place that day), getting down on one knee, presenting me with a ring, and saying, “Will you do me the honor of becoming Ms. Ashley Lauren S___?”

Spoiler alert: I said yes. And, sitting there at the Arboretum, looking at my beautiful new piece of jewelry and my wonderful new fiancé who wanted me to keep my last name, it was easy to dream about all of the things to come and how awesome and fun everything would be. It was easy not to think about money, family, friends, or anything else besides ourselves.

As you can imagine, that bliss lasted about a minute. And then we were confronted with the reality of How in the world are we going to do this?

I didn’t particularly like being engaged. It wasn’t exactly an enjoyable experience for me. I didn’t really like all the shopping, money spending, smiling at people who say things that totally offend me at bridal showers, sorting out guest lists, dealing with vendors who have an entirely different image of your day than you do and a timeline that doesn’t even come close to yours. However, I did enjoy the time with friends and family, especially my mom and bridesmaids, that all the shopping and parties allowed me to have, (and you’re kidding yourself if you think I didn’t enjoy getting all dolled up for every single event) and I wish I could have focused more on that than anything else. But, you know, it’s the everything else that gets in the way.

Looking back on it, if I had it to do over again, I’d worry less and have more fun. I’d joke around about more things instead of taking everything so seriously. I’d roll my eyes at some people rather than burst into tears. I would have spent more time focusing on the time I got to spend with people I loved and the time I was fortunate enough to have to get to know Tim even better rather than worrying how everything was going to turn out. But, I suppose hindsight is 20/20.

Honestly, though, I don’t regret doing it the way I did. I am who I am and, at this point, I’m not going to hide it. I’m a proud type-A, worry-wart, plan-everything-and-then-plan-a-back-up type of person. Had I tried to be any different during our engagement, I’d have ended up just being more stressed out that I couldn’t be the kind of person I was trying to be. However, while I may own my type A tendencies, I’m also the kind of person who burned myself out and got so fed up with wedding everything that I cut off all my hair a week after it was over, simply because I grew it out just for the wedding, and I wanted to be rid of it. And now, like I wish for a calmer version of myself during our engagement, I also wish for my long, flowing locks back.

So what advice can I give you, engaged folk reading this blog out there? Enjoy it. Live it up. Laugh. Roll your eyes. Realize every fight and every fabric swatch isn’t the end of the world. Of course some of it is going to suck. Of course there will be lots of drama and lots of things to worry about. OF COURSE you will be stressed out to the extreme. But you’ll make it, and at the end of it, you and your partner will be stronger, closer together, and – most importantly – you’ll be married.