The Chore Wars
The Fleabag, aka Penny
Penny has fleas.
Apparently, this is something that happens to dogs, and it really isn’t a big deal unless the fleas go undiscovered and vampire too much blood out of the dog, causing anemia. Yes, I just used vampire as a verb. It fits.
Anyway, lucky us, we discovered the fleas really early and got her on flea and tick prevention that also kills the fleas when they bite her. But for every one flea you see, there are hundreds more you don’t. And each flea can lay like 600 or some absurd amount of eggs a day. In your carpet. And they can also jump 150 times the length of their bodies.
Fleas rarely switch species, so once you kill the fleas on the dog, they don’t go find another host on a person. Realistically, then, the fleas are really just a pain in the butt for your furry friend, and totally gross for humans who hate bugs. Like me.
How do you get rid of them then? Well, if you have carpet – and we do – you clean the $^!# out of your place every other day or so until your dog stops scratching and you don’t see any more fleas running around. This means you use bug spray or flea powder, put that down, vacuum it all, wipe down any leather or wood furniture, wash/powder/vacuum all fabric furniture, bleach floors and counter tops, and do more laundry than you ever thought possible – curtains, comforters, blankets, clothes, sheets. Thank goodness we have a laundry machine inside our apartment.
When we got home after our visit to the vet, Tim didn’t even bat an eye. He grabbed curtains, comforters, rugs and went to the laundromat, where the laundry machines are much bigger and the dryers actually work. When he got home, he grabbed a mop and bleach and scoured every corner of every hard surface while I vacuumed and finished other, smaller loads of laundry. He woke up early with me the next morning to help put the place back together. He vacuumed again two days later. He took Penny for long walks so I could wash her toys without her thinking I was trying to play.
And I didn’t have to “instruct” him on any of this.
TIME Magazine came out with an article about how the “chore wars” are over – women and men spend the same time working inside the house as well as outside the house. And all the while, the article refers to men as “helpers” rather than partners and doesn’t account for the time women spend managing the household or taking care of little things that come up and cut into quality relaxing time whereas men come home, do what they’re told to do, and kick their feet up.
I don’t think the “chore wars” are over as far as the heterosexual cohabiting society as a whole is concerned, because most everything pointed out in that Ms. Blog article cited above is true. When we talk about chores, households, and family, we talk about men helping and women doing, and if that is still the rhetoric we’re using, we haven’t come far enough.
Rhetoric aside, though, I do think there are important differences in the way contemporary couples see household duties. Sure, it took Tim and I a little while to be able to share responsibilities like a well-oiled machine (an entire year, to be exact), but that seems to be more a process of adjusting to sharing a space rather than fighting societal assumptions when it comes to chores. Of course, I cheated a little bit and married a man who not only believed in pulling his weight around the house, but also is a total neat freak. But I think more young men than not have similar attitudes. We’ve all met men who believe a woman’s place is in the kitchen, or refuse to scrub the floors when that’s “her job,” but it seems more often than not, men are willing to roll up their sleeves and tackle the housework than they used to be. Now, though, we need to start talking about housework as the homeowners’ job, not the women’s job with their men helpers.
As for us, our apartment has never been cleaner, Penny has stopped scratching, we’re not seeing fleas, and I’ve had plenty of time to write and go out and enjoy the end of my summer. And so has Tim because we’re sharing duties without even having to talk about it.
I’m not saying the chore wars are over, but I am saying that with a little bit of practice and open communication, couples can get the house cleaned and still have time for everything else. And get rid of fleas with minimal stress.