Homes and Houses, Cities and Suburbs

Tim and I have spent a good deal of time over the past few days debating about what we want the next step in our lives to be. We’ve been looking at houses and town homes in the suburbs of Chicago, and we’ve found quite a few that we really like and could feasibly afford. However, every time we get to thinking about putting an offer in on a place, we start talking about a bunch of “what if”s and “why we shouldn’t”s and end up deciding we just don’t want a house.

And, I probably should mention, the thought of getting a house scares the crap out of me and starts to make me feel sick to my stomach. It was at the point where I avoided looking at properties online or seeing them in real life because I just didn’t want to.

I can’t put my finger on why I was so adverse to buying a house, but I think some of it has to do with this little idea in the back of my head that a house is so much more than just a house; it’s settling down, paying a mortgage, not moving again for a while, and – scariest to me – waiting to have something to fill all that space (namely children).

We have a lot of friends who got married and bought huge houses in the suburbs. When we visit some of them (not all of them – don’t get angry at me yet, friends!) and talk to them, we can’t help but notice that they haven’t furnished or painted bedrooms – not because they don’t have the money – because they figure, “Why should we when we’re just going to redo it when we’re pregnant anyway?” So they seem to rattle around the house, taking in all their space, eating dinner in different rooms just because they can, and wait. They wait for the time they’re financially or emotionally ready to have children to fill the voids in their home.

Now, I believe there is honor in doing what is best for your budding family, and many times that is being prepared for the family to grow. Saving for and buying a house is a big deal, and shouldn’t be taken lightly, and it shouldn’t be looked down on, either. And I don’t look down on it at all. But I don’t think it’s for us. Yet.

There might come a time when we are ready to make a house a home, to have children to fill the rooms of that home. There might come a time when I feel that the suburbs are the best place for Tim and me (and Penny) and whomever else we add to our family. However, that time isn’t now, and that is probably why I started feeling physically uneasy when talking about mortgages and bedroom sizes.

So, after MUCH discussion (we’ve really been back and forth about this since about April), we’ve decided to take a look at some apartments in Chicago. We’re not ready to buy a house and have kids, so it’s either stick it out in our apartment (that we kind of hate) in the ‘burbs, or go live it up in the city for a few years. Personally, I think going to the city at this point in our lives is the right thing to do. Like Tim said, no one gets to the end of their life and wishes they had bought their house a year sooner. They regret things like not moving to Chicago and living it up. So, in the spirit of no regrets, we’re going to look into it.

This is a really exciting time for us, and I selfishly hope it works out and we can move to the city. I’m certainly not ready to settle down and, white it’s scary for both of us to think that we’re shaking things up yet again, I think shaking things up can be good. And I look forward to it.

7 replies on “Homes and Houses, Cities and Suburbs”

  1. Personally, i’m glad we didn’t wait another year to buy our house. We were giving about $10k/year to our landlord and had nothing to show for it. Now we don’t have to listen to our neighbors walking around above us, we can grow vegetables in our yard, we can paint our walls whatever color we like, etc. and all the while we’re building our net worth. I absolutely love owning a home and would never go back to living in an apartment. But that’s me. And i do not plan on having children, so i have a nice extra bedroom for any guests who should decide to stay with us. 🙂

    • Ashley on

      It sounds like you did what was best for you, then. We’ve also given our landlord a lot of money, and will continue to do so whether we move or not. If we move, it’ll be to a different apartment. If we don’t move to the city, we’re staying in the apartment we have. We’re just not ready to buy a house, because sometimes building your net worth isn’t worth not being able to do anything else because you’ve spent all your money on your mortgage, which would be the case for us. Unless we bought a condo that’s actually smaller than the apartment we have and we’d never be able to sell when we wanted a house because no one buys condos in this market (which isn’t going anywhere for a while!).

      Buying property is tricky! If you’re ready for it, you’re definitely ready (and it sounds like you are, which is great!), but when you’re not, pushing it too soon can be really dangerous.

  2. You’re totally right. I didn’t mean to sound all “you should do what i did!” but i think i may have come across that way. I definitely would not recommend buying a house until you could afford to put at least 20% down on it, and then pay it off quickly enough that you aren’t paying more on interest than you would have spent on rent. And, more importantly, you shouldn’t buy a house until you feel ready.

    • Ashley on

      I don’t think you sounded that way, but I have gotten a lot of “Why would you pay rent when you could buy?” arguments, and I think it is definitely about more than money. And, when it is about money, not everyone has a down payment ready – totally. I mean, we’re close but we’re not there yet! Thanks for clarifying, though. 🙂 You sound happy with your decision, and I’m happy for you!

  3. Linda on

    “What makes a house a home?” “Tim and I don’t want a house we’re going to have to wait to fill-or never fill. ”
    A house is a home because of the love and the energy brought to it by the people who live there. It doesn’t matter if the house is filled with Pottery Barn furniture, knickknacks from trips, perfectly painted rooms, or children. Whoever does live there makes it a home with their love and energy. My house had empty rooms for years, but it was a home because of the intensity of love and the passion for life brought to it.

    Linda

  4. Or you could do what we did…buy a house *in* the city. Ok, so technically we live in a town, but we live right *in* town. However, there are still times when we trek into NYC for a weekend and dream about getting a Brooklyn townhouse or even condo/apt in the Village. Then we realize we haven’t won the lottery yet. sigh.

    I also have times when I fantasize about getting 50 acres of land and starting my own mini homestead.

    But, for now…both city and country will have to wait and we’ll stick with town living for the time being.

  5. Well, you know by now I’m all for city living, so go live it up and don’t look back! 😉 I agree with you: no one should buy a house because they feel that’s what they should do…especially if they’re not ready emotionally and financially. I also have a theory that maybe not everyone is meant to own a house. My boyfriend and I are perfectly content living in an apartment. We love city life and we want to give our daughter that. We have considered later on purchasing an apartment. (I’ve toyed around with the idea of a house in the city, but we’re not sure that’s for us.) Funny thing is, I grew up in the country, so part of me feels like that would be nice because it was nice for me. But certainly not financially practical…not right now.

    Good luck!