Small Strokes

Amanda ReCupido

Today’s post comes from Amanda ReCupido, and is part of a Salon of blog posts asking feminists to define what feminism means to them. You can follow Amanda on Twitter, read her blog, and check out her answers to the Literacy in the Feminist Blogging Community interview.

It Takes a Village…To Raise a Feminist
or, What Feminism Means to Me

It’s that loaded question, “What does feminism mean to you?” that sparks thousands of thoughts, every which one of them equally important. I certainly have had no problem asking it, but the best way I can make sense of my own feminism is to revisit the experiences that have shaped it. There wasn’t one moment I remember where the feminist light bulb went off in my head – somehow I just always knew. But that doesn’t mean I was any less changed by the people who contributed to my feminist journey – for better or for worse. Here’s a look at the people who have made up my “feminist village” so far…

My parents, who told me I could be anything, who simultaneously signed me up for karate lessons and ballet, who suggested I work at Hooters and write an expose ala Gloria Steinem (spoiler alert: I didn’t), and who, in their own humanness, weren’t always perfect.

My Girl Scout leader, who handed me a journal and encouraged my story, who let me be a little rambunctious, who later would tell me, after her own divorce, to not live life dependent on a man.

My (female) elementary school teachers, who gave me a foundation of confidence, and my (male) high school teachers, who continued to push me to excellence.

The girls in high school who took one look at the first lunch I bought in the cafeteria with a sneer – it was the first time I questioned how much I ate.

My first boyfriend, who told me, after I had starved myself for over 36 hours, how skinny and great I looked.

My studio dance classes, which, for better or worse, forced me to accept the image staring back at me in the mirror and figure out how to move it in step. Contrasted with…

My high school dance group, who yearned for the whistles from boys in the audience.

My guy friend in high school, who called me a prude to my face and a slut in my yearbook.

The boys who, thankfully, took no for an answer.

The boy who finally deserved a “yes.”

The professor in college who handed me Carol Gilligan and Mary Pipher, and the other professors who didn’t mind that I analyzed nearly all assigned literature in terms of feminism.

My first experience seeing The Vagina Monolgues on V-Day my sophomore year of college. Meeting Eve Ensler at the Feminist Press Anniversary Gala a mere two years later.

The guy in college who told me I was “too independent and too much of a feminist to have a relationship with.”

The fact that the magazine I worked at right out of college had a woman publisher.

The cat-calls that I get on the street nearly every day.

The roommates who ate up every reality show stereotype Bravo was willing to throw at them.

The several, potentially dangerous nights that I came home safe.

The walk that I just participated in against human trafficking.

The smart, progressive (and feminist!) women and men who don’t see themselves as such and think feminism is “over.”

The wildly talented and driven feminist bloggers and activists who inspire me every day.

These are the reasons why I’m a feminist. In spite of, and because of it all. Why are you?

To read all of the What Feminism Means To Me Salon posts, click here.

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Criss L. Cox

Today’s post comes from Criss L. Cox, and is part of a Salon of blog posts asking feminists to define what feminism means to them.  You can follow Criss on Twitter and read her blog.

I used to think “feminists” were angry man-haters who burned bras and didn’t shave their armpits. I didn’t want to be one of them — I liked men! I wanted to marry one someday. I wanted a big wedding, with a pretty white dress, and I wanted to have kids, and I wanted to stay home with my kids. Feminists hated women who wanted to quit their jobs to stay home and raise their kids, right?

Um, WRONG. Sure, there are radical extremists in every group (my sister, a SAHM (stay at home mom) and a feminist, was called out on her blog a while back by an angry commenter who accused her of setting the women’s movement back several decades, because my sister stayed home to raise her son), but those extreme outliers are not a true representation of the group or movement.

I would like to stay home with my kids, when I have them, because I like kids. I’ve spent my adult life working with children, from toddlers and infants in daycare centers to high schoolers in my teaching jobs to elementary kids in Sunday school classes at church. Kids are my thing, so when I have some of my own I want to spend as much time with them as possible.

I also have a Bachelor’s degree and I’m four credit hours away from a Master’s; I have ample experience in the workplace, and I know I can support myself (and those potential future children) if need be. If my husband and I can afford the luxury of my staying home with our potential future kids, I will still continue blogging, writing, and if in any way possible I’ll sneak in classes toward my PhD. I, like my sister, am far from your stereotypical 50’s housewife stay-at-home mom.

Feminism isn’t about telling women (or anyone) what to do; it’s about giving women, and anyone else, the right to choose for themselves what they want to do. Our job is to make sure every option is open to everyone.

Feminism isn’t limited to females, either. It’s not about ending oppression for women (which, oftentimes unfortunately is shorthand for “white, heterosexual, cis, able-bodied women”), but about ending oppression for all marginalized groups. After all, women are half of the world’s population, and in that group, you will find all sorts of women. When we fight for “women” we must fight for ALL these women.

Feminism isn’t even just about women (all women). While gender roles have traditionally put women in a more submissive role and held us back, men are also harmed and limited by gender roles. In a way, we women have the advantage over men in this area: Women can pop open a beer and watch the football game, but a guy is going to get funny looks if he enjoys a nice glass of white zinfandel and goes to see the ballet (unless he has a girl with him, and she’s, like, “making him”). Feminists work to change gender roles so both men and women are free to make whichever choices their little hearts desire without having to censor or deny themselves because of society’s small-minded expectations.

Feminist movement has moved beyond the work-or-stay-home-with-kids issue. While we must continue the work that has been done on that front (to ensure women are treated equally in the workplace and that girls have access to education so they can compete on a more even field with men in the workplace), we have so many other issues to tend to as well.

Unfortunately, one of those issues is getting others to understand what we are actually about. First of all, it’s not about YOU, it’s about ME. When I fight for women’s rights, reproductive rights, LGBT rights, etc., I’m not telling you what YOU need to do or how YOU need to live your life. I’m telling you how I want to live my life; all you have to do is LET ME. Stop passing laws that stop me or limit me or oppress me. Your right to work full-time and be a CEO of whatever company does not in any way interfere with my right to choose a career in education, a typically female-dominated (and underpaid) field, nor does it interfere with my sister’s right to stay at home with her child. My choice does not diminish yours any more than yours diminishes mine.

Another pressing item on the agenda is to dispel the myth of the scary, hairy-armpitted feminazi. Women — and man — need to be proud to call themselves feminists. It is not a dirty word! Embracing feminism is merely embracing the idea that none of us — male, female, gay, bi, hetero, cis, trans, abled, disabled, thin, fat, and everything around and in-between — deserve to be treated with respect. You know, unlike a doormat.

To read all of the What Feminism Means To Me Salon posts, click here.

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Danine Spencer

Today’s post comes from Danine Spencer, and is part of a Salon of blog posts asking feminists to define what feminism means to them.  You can follow Danine on Twitter, read her blog, and check out her answers to the Literacy in the Feminist Blogging Community interview.

Feminism is the belief that women’s rights are human rights. No matter where they live, women and girls should have the same social, political, legal and economic rights as their male counterparts.  Because women and girls have historically been marginalized by patriarchal societies worldwide, feminists have had to fight for every right men take for granted: the right to vote, work, go to school and oh yeah, make her own decisions.

I believe women’s rights are human rights because:

• Every woman has the right to freedom of speech
• Every woman should have the same legal rights as men
• Every woman has the right to an education
• Every woman has the right to own property
• Every woman should be able to find work that pays a living wage so she can provide for herself and her children
• Every woman should receive equal pay for equal work
• Every woman should be able to choose her own spouse, when and if she chooses to marry
• Every woman should be in control of her own family planning, which includes the right to decide whether or not to have children
• Every woman should have access to affordable health insurance
• Every woman should be able to go to a doctor when she is sick and obtain prescription medication when necessary

I also believe:

• No woman should be discriminated on the basis of her gender, age, income level, race, sexual orientation, religion, disability or other life circumstance.
• No woman or girl should ever be raped or sexual abused, period.  Rape against women and girls should never be used as a weapon during war.
• No woman or girl should be subjected to genital mutilation.
• No woman or girl should be a victim of human trafficking, sold into sexual slavery or work in a sweatshop.
• No woman or girl should be forced into marriage without her consent.
• No woman should die in childbirth or as a result of pregnancy-related complications

Feminism has been quite successful, particularly in the Western world. Many women today take it for granted that we can vote, go to college and work, all of which were unheard of one hundred years ago. We still have much to do. Pay equity, violence against women and health care are just a few issues of many we have to work on the United States. Still, we are incredibly fortunate to live in relative wealth in the U.S. “To those whom much is given, much is expected” applies here. We have to use our leadership to address issues like human trafficking, rape as a weapon of war, international family planning and women’s economic security.

I am proud to be a feminist. I think every woman and man should be. Feminism is making sure that every single woman and girl, half the world’s population, has the tools and resources to be the person she can be.

To read all of the What Feminism Means To Me Salon posts, click here.

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Kate Rohdenburg

Today’s post comes from Kate Rohdenburg, and is part of a Salon of blog posts asking feminists to define what feminism means to them.  You can follow Kate on Twitter, read her blog, and check out her answers to the Literacy in the Feminist Blogging Community interview.

I think in large part feminism to me is summed up in the quote I use for my signature: –

“I’m an artist and a community organizer, and I believe in peace and love, and I believe we need to keep putting our stuff out there; it puts out the intention for a bigger reality.”
-Shannya Sollitt

Feminism is these things – art and activism, peace and love, and imagining a reality that could be while working in the context of the one that is.

Feminism is about choices, not in the sense that many modern-feminists use the term “I’m a woman/feminist therefore any choice I make is feminist”, but in the sense that we are about creating a space where choices are available and safe (even choice that may not be utterly feminist.) Feminism created choices (especially for women and minorities), but not all choices are feminist ones.

Feminism is not about including everyone, but it is about appreciating everyone; recognizing the humanity in everyone, and interacting with everyone in a way based in love and understanding – not fear and hate. An example for me is this: I do not believe that one can be feminist and anti-choice. Anti-choice is an inherently anti-woman system of beliefs that are in direct contrast to feminism. However, I don’t wish to argue or yell or hate people who are anti-choice, but to speak with them in contexts where there may be increased understanding, and disengage when there can be nothing but anger.

Feminism is a theory – one which has principles, principles which certainly not everyone adheres to, and therefore it is faulty to say that anyone is feminist. Indeed people must believe in the theory, and work towards the practice, in order to truly be feminist. There is not one way, nor one perfect representation of this, but there are some qualifications.

To read all of the What Feminism Means To Me Salon posts, click here.

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