Small Strokes

Today’s post is a guest post from Trelk.  You can find his blog here and follow him on Twitter here.

Today I have decided to voice a problem I’ve had for some time. Body image. We all struggle with it. Not just overweight women, not just women. Everyone. Sure there are those who really are extremely happy in their own skin but honestly I think you’d have a very difficult job finding one of those people. I’m tired of hearing that guys don’t have to deal with the same weight and body image issues as women. We may not be as open and vocal about it but it’s there.

Typically guys don’t talk about such things openly. It usually amounts to biting comments about one another when we do. But honestly? I can’t rock the wife beater or bare chested look unless it’s meant for laughs.

I’ve spent most of my life as the friend. I’m not kidding. My life is a romantic comedy and I’m not even a main character. I’m not just talking about not getting up the nerve to ask a girl out and eventually becoming friends. I’m talking about expressly asking them on a date and they’re flattered that I think of them like that and then tell me we’re better as friends and tell me all about the football player they’re hoping will ask them to the dance I just asked them to. (I’m not kidding. I swear that has to be the plot of a billion teen movies.)

My point in telling you this is not to go into a sob story (I’ve done that often enough already), but rather to illustrate how I was quickly able to draw the conclusion that six pack abs was the ticket to a girl’s heart rather than my twelve pack of jelly rolls. Now it’s been brought to my attention through a number of conversations that there’s more media pressuring girls into getting thinner rather than boys. This is quite simply not true. Every time you see a conventionally attractive girl there’s a guy with washboard abs and hair that is just the right amount of messy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people crooning over Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Jackman, and any number of other guys with similar physiques.

Some of you might say “There are plenty of overweight guys on the screen.” And which roles are those exactly? We’re the friends, the funny guys, the nice guys who don’t get the girl unless of course it’s a movie about a nice funny guy who does get the girl in which case we might get the role of the boss who’s let himself go and takes it out on the main character by demeaning him. That’s right. The moment the girl is allowed to fall for the nice guy they recast him to make sure he doesn’t cast a shadow. The only time the fat guys can get a kiss is when it’s funny.

There’s a problem with the way movies are cast today. Hollywood is convinced that washboard abs along with as much skin as the ratings will allow is what will sell movies. Apparently that’s the only way to decide what is and is not attractive. Forget all the people who show you otherwise like Queen Latifah or Kathy Bates, John Goodman, Nathan Lane. They’re just trying to get you to pay more money by telling you they can be attractive using a craft that’s useless today. No the attractiveness is all about the physically fit and muscles.

Well that’s my two cents. I’ve done my best not to ramble. I realize that there’s nothing too terribly cohesive here but I’ve realized that I have a lot more to say about this than I can put in a single blog. In the end there’s only one thing you need to remember is that you are beautiful. I don’t care who you are or what you look like there is always something beautiful about you.

Later days,

Trelk

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This post comes from one of my former students, Sara Jacobsen, and I could not be more proud of her!

By no means would I consider myself a vain or pretentious person. I am, however, well aware that when based strictly on appearance, I am more fortunate than some.

Not-so fondly do I remember my entire grade school career. Usually, when people speak of their “awkward stage”, they speak of only a brief time when they were young. My “awkward stage”, on the other hand, lasted for most, if not all, of my grade school years. During adolescence, I was large for my age. I was abnormally tall, somewhere around a size 14 and wore glasses until about the eighth grade. My hair went from a short almost bob-like style to a horrendous curly mess and then on to long, straight, and shapeless. Although I cannot recall ever being ridiculed directly to my face, I know better than to believe that it did not happen. I did everything I possibly could in attempt to fit in with my classmates. I never felt like I was able to be myself because in my opinion, myself was not acceptable. I would see the “pretty” girls in class and wonder to myself why I was not one of them. It seemed that no matter what I did, I would never be what everyone seemed to consider “beautiful”.

It was not until I reached my freshman year of high school that some of those feelings started to subside. Around this time, I began to wear makeup and nicer clothing. Although I soon began to feel better about my personal image, I was still unhappy with the way I looked. I would feel intimidated when I would spend time with friends who I felt were “prettier” than I, thinking that if I looked the way they did, I would be happy. Eventually, I decided I would take matters into my own hands and work on portraying the image that I thought would be socially acceptable.

I am still unsure how, but I somehow managed to lose almost ten pants sizes. Although I am very proud of this fact, I still struggle daily with issues regarding body image. I still have thoughts of “I could be thinner.” I still have a hard time believing the words “you’re beautiful,” because it’s still not something that I am able to see in myself and I still feel that if I were to “fix” myself, I could be happy. Every day I look in the mirror and cannot help but pick out every last imperfection that I see.

The truth is that I know that losing weight or getting a new hairstyle will not make me happy. The concept of beauty is one that has been blown way out of perspective by the media and society. Who is to say that just because a person may be a bit heavier than another, that they too are not just as beautiful? The point that I am trying to make is not the cliché that “pretty” or “skinny” girls have issues with their appearance too, it is that everyone, no matter what their body type or physical appearance, has something about themselves that they would like to change. It’s similar to someone claiming that they “don’t care” how others perceive them. The fact is, everyone cares, and everyone has insecurities.

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Danine Spencer

This post on body image comes from the wonderful, talented, and beautiful Danine Spencer. You can find her blog at http://danine.net/ and follow her on Twitter at @DanineSpencer.

There are lots of reasons to hate my body.

I’m overweight.
I’ve had acne since I was seven years old.
I am prematurely graying.
I need a haircut and color, badly.
I’m short.

I could write an entire post about how any one of these things have decimated my self-concept. Any such post would have to be written in past tense, though. Whenever I look in the mirror lately and I feel bad because my skin isn’t clear or my roots are showing, I am reminded that I am standing up, looking in the mirror, without assistance from anyone or anything.

The simple act of stand in front of a mirror is a miracle.

I am amazed at what my body can do.

I am amazed that my legs can support my trunk (core) muscles, that my trunk can support my neck and shoulders, that my neck can support my head. I am amazed that I can hold my head up. I am amazed that when my brain tells my left foot to move, it moves, and when it tells my right foot to move, lo and behold, it moves, too. I am amazed I can walk.

Four and a half years ago, I couldn’t do any of these things. As a result of either a brain stem stroke or a spinal cord infarct (they’re not sure exactly what happened), I was paralyzed from the neck down. Doctors expected me to be a quadriplegic for the rest of my life, if I even lived. With a few miracles, some amazing therapists and a lot of hard work, I have regained most of my mobility.

I try really hard not to take that for granted. My self-concept changed with my illness. My relationship with my body changed, too. I am so incredibly grateful for what my body can do. My hands can type. My eyes can read. My legs can walk.

My advice to anyone with a body issues is think about what your body can do. What does your body allow you to do that you love? Are you a runner who uses her legs, feet, arms, lungs and heart? A painter who needs her eyes, hands, arms (and other extremities in some cases)? An avid reader who likes to turn the pages with her hands and read the words with her eyes? A musician who depends on her ears to stay on-key?

Love your body for what it can do because it does beautiful things. At the moment, I am thrilled to be typing this sentence because there was a time when I couldn’t have done so.

I’m not saying I don’t have my moments of body-hate. I do. I regularly wish I could get a new body. I hate the pain and fatigue I experience on a daily basis. I wish I had Nicole Kidman’s skin and a perfect size-2 physique.

I have to settle for what I have, though, and I am constantly reminded that I have is pretty amazing.

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