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Category Archives: Race

Aug 04 0 comments

Class, Feminism, Marriage & Family, Marriage Rights, Race

Privilege and Weddings and Marriage

I am privileged. Extremely privileged. And there seems no better way than planning a wedding to remind me of this. All. The. Time.

I am a heterosexual, cis female so I can actually plan a wedding and get legally married in the state of Illinois when so many others can’t.

I am white, thin, young, and able bodied, so when I look at wedding magazines and blogs, I see women who resemble myself and it isn’t hard for me to see myself in the clothes, dresses, shoes, accessories, etc. that the women are wearing in these magazines.

I am economically privileged, and so is my fiance and our families. We may not be the best off in the world, but Tim and I both have jobs, and so do all of our parents. So, when we see things in these magazines and catalogues that we want for our wedding, we do have to stay in budget, but we can have that big party with all of our friends and family without worrying about it too much.

I have the support of my family and friends while entering into this marriage. I also have the privilege to be able to discuss whether or not to change my name or whether or not to have children as private matters with my fiance, and I will have the support of him and our family and friends in whatever decision we make.

There is probably, unfortunately, a small minority of people out there, of which I am a part, who actually do think about these privileges every time we enter a bridal store or open a wedding magazine or read a wedding blog or, heck, write about feminism and relationships. But I do believe that the number of people who consider their privileges while planning a wedding or negotiating a relationship is growing; look at all of the wonderful feedback and guest posts I’m receiving on this blog for example. There are smart, interesting, progressive people out there with lots of things to say about relationships – from weddings to marriage to cohabitation to dating and every variant thereof… and more. And it seems evident to me that these people are examining at least some of their privileges as they examine their relationships. Maybe it isn’t overtly stated (as it isn’t with many of my personal posts about relationships and weddings and marriage), but I think the very nature of examining relationships under a feminist lens leads to examining privilege within those relationships as well. At least, I hope so. And that is what I’ve been trying to flesh out a bit with this series.

I also think that one important aspect of feminism is, obviously, equality and, moreso in terms of relationships, equity (I’ll do the laundry if I have time, and Tim will do it if he has time. Is it always equal? No. But it is equitable.). And, as bell hooks often posited, the best place to start examining and changing sexism is in the home, since that is often our first experience with a patriarchal power dynamic. Maybe I’m one of the few people that believe that we really can fell big oaks with small strokes, but what better way to change the world than by examining our own relationships and putting forth an ideal of equality and equity within the home for our children, who then will hopefully grow up to do the same?

That all said, I hope those who have looked at this series with skepticism, thinking “Oh here’s another privileged girl adding to the wedding craze” or “We could be doing such better things with our time than talking about relationships and weddings” now have a better understanding of my rationale behind starting the series, and keeping it going – and it is still going! And I don’t discriminate in the posts I publish in this series, so as long as you follow my guidelines, I’m happy to publish posts with different perspectives. In fact, that’s the idea here – I want to publish posts with different perspectives! So send them my way! Hopefully, with lots of posts, we can all start examining our privileges and relationships with a new point of view.

This post is part of an ongoing series about feminism and relationships. Have something to say? Submit a guest post to samsanator(at)gmail(dot)com! And, of course, you can always comment here!

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Jul 31 6 comments

Class, Feminism, Marriage & Family, Marriage Rights, Race

Name Changes and Privilege

Yesterday, Emily from Gender Across Borders graciously allowed me to cross post her article about changing her name for my series about feminism and relationships. You all, gentle readers, were very nice in the comments over here. Emily wasn’t so lucky with her commenters over at GAB. (Check out the comments here.) And, while I normally would not take the time to write a full-out post inspired by commenters, I do feel that this issue needs a little more attention.

Let’s be clear before we go any further: I have written before about how I’ve decided not to change my name when I get married. But – and this probably won’t surprise you – I’m not one of those feminists who thinks that any woman who does change her name is reversing decades of feminist activism.

There are people out there, though, who do believe that women should absolutely never ever change their names – apparently for any reason whatsoever. And some of those views were reflected in the comments on Emily’s GAB post yesterday.

Honestly, deciding to change one’s name isn’t just about “the feminist choice” versus “the traditional choice.” People change their names for a multitude of reasons, not just because they’re getting married. And those reasons, no matter what they are, are almost always intensely personal. To say that one should use that personal choice to make a larger, political statement because it would be “perverse” (taken from the comments of the original article) not to is, simply, ignorant of any variants of the man-and-woman-getting-married scenario.

Sure, you could argue that anyone has the choice to change one’s name, but what happens when real life kicks in and that option isn’t really viable anymore? What about someone like the woman who sat next to me in my grad class who couldn’t get a job and felt she had to change her surname to her middle name to avoid racial discrimination? What about any of the instances in this Tumblr discussion, which I’m linking to because I don’t think I could ever say it any better.

The fact of the matter is that simply having the choice to change one’s name upon getting married is a privilege, and the very discussion itself almost reeks of upper-middle class, heterosexual, cis, white privilege. Think about it: To even suggest that someone, anyone, should keep a name with which they do not identify – whether that is because they’ve married a man and want to take his name or because their family name was changed at Ellis Island before they were even born and they want to go back to the original family name or for any of the other plethora of intensely personal reasons out there to change one’s name – just to make a political statement is simply reciting dictum from a feminist textbook and ignoring the larger issues and nuances of life.

And, frankly, if a woman does decide to make that name change to her husband’s name, to say that she is “subservient to your husband’s needs” or “losing your identity” (again, from the GAB comments) are such gross over generalizations. And assumptions! You can change your name and still be your own person. Gosh, so many of us write under pseudonyms on the internet; do those pseudonyms make us any less us when we write? Absolutely not, and it wouldn’t make a bit of difference if we chose to legally change our names to our pseudonyms, either. It’s all about what you identify with, and, really, by changing your name to one that you identify with, you might just be gaining your identity rather than losing it – and isn’t that really what feminism is all about?

Personally, I identify with my last name, which is why I’m keeping it. It isn’t some broad, political statement. It’s simply because this name is who I am, and Tim loves me – all of me – as a whole person, and that love includes my name and my desire to keep it. And I feel the same way about him and his name, which is why, when he offered to change it for me, I said he shouldn’t do that unless he really identified with my name or a hyphenated/combo variant. (He decided he didn’t identify with my name or a variant of our two names. Hence, we are keeping our own.) But, again, the discussion was about identities, not traditions and politics.

OK, readers, that’s just my two cents. I welcome all points of view on this blog, and if you have a lot to say, please consider submitting a guest post on the subject. But, if you must comment here, please be mindful of the multitude of situations the name change debate affects, not just the man-and-woman-marry, woman-takes-man’s-name scenario.

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Jul 20 3 comments

Class, Feminism, Marriage & Family, Marriage Rights, Race

Call for Guest Posts on Feminism and Relationships

You know, I’ve been writing a lot about feminism and relationships on here lately. Maybe because I’m getting married in less than 3 months? I don’t know, just a guess… But whatever the reason, I think it’s a really important topic to cover. There are lots of us out there who identify as feminist or who advocate feminism and who are also either facing a change in their relationships (moving in together, getting married, etc.) or are well within a relationship or family setting and work to advocate feminism within those relationships every day. I also find that many of us in this community are frequently combating the often negative, patriarchal connotations that come with marriage and family life and the various titles associated with that life. I’ve seen so much of this in the comments of this blog or in e-mails sent to me or in twitter responses to things I’ve written that I believe the topic of feminism and relationships cannot be ignored.

So, I want to hear from you. I’m announcing an open-ended call for guest posts on feminism and relationships. You can interpret the term “relationships” as loosely as you want, but some ideas for posts might include topics on “Feminism and…”:

Marriage (a broad topic here; could include name changes, household chores, the patriarchal connotations behind marriage… anything!)
Family (your mothers and fathers, your children, your siblings, etc.)
In-laws
Same sex partnerships
Interracial relationships
Long-distance relationships
Moving in together
Moving somewhere new together
Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationships
Weddings
Friendships
Body image and relationships
And the list goes on and on – anything you come up with, I’d love to hear it!

What are my guidelines? As you may know from previous calls for guest posts, my guidelines, like all good things in life, are flexible and open to interpretation. But in general, I’d say posts should be about 400-800 words in length and spell-checked/grammar-checked to the best of your ability. Hyperlinks are OK in bios and in posts. Just make sure I have a list of all URLs in case something is lost in translation, so to speak. Also, please keep in mind that I am a high school teacher, so I cannot publish curse words, sexually explicit language, or anything overtly political. If you think you have a topic that might fall into one of these categories, go ahead and e-mail me a pitch and we can totally figure something out.

Of course you can cross-post something to your blog, as well, or submit something you’ve already written on the topic, but I’d appreciate a link back here from your blog. Also, you don’t have to be a blogger to submit a post! If you just want to write something for me but don’t necessarily write on your own, that’s swell, too!

All posts or pitches can be submitted to samsanator (at) gmail (dot) com along with a brief bio and a link to your blog if you’ve got one.

I look forward to hearing from you, and hopefully you all will find this new series interesting and helpful!

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Jun 11 3 comments

Activism, Class, Education, Feminism, Marriage & Family, Marriage Rights, Race

I Advocate Feminism

It came to my attention during my blogging break, courtesy of Emily Heroy – Founder of the Gender Across Borders blog and fellow Equality 101 writer – and Liza Donnelly – Cartoonist Extraordinaire – (If you’re not at least following these ladies on Twitter or reading their work, you should be. Now!) that maybe saying “I am a feminist” is maybe not the exact correct thing to be saying. It’s no secret that feminists throughout history have worked extremely hard towards equal rights for women. But it’s also no secret that they haven’t historically worked very hard towards equal rights for all women. bell hooks noted this (I can’t remember the exact essay in which she noted this, so forgive my lack of citation. If anyone knows, feel free to drop a comment.), especially in the way feminism tended to be for the white, upper-middle class women, not for poor women or women of color.

Today, we see people claiming to be feminists and actively working against women – see anything written about Sarah Palin in the past month. We see women actively excluding other human beings from the fight for equal rights (Emily didn’t exclude other people in this post, but I refuse to link to the post that did). We see women telling other women how to be feminists. Apparently, my feminist card was taken away from me when I chose to get married and have a big wedding. It’s going to be torn up into little pieces when I write later about the crisis we’re seeing with boys and education and how we need to work to catch them up. Or when I blog about how my future husband and I are going to share money.

I can’t remember the last time I was so disillusioned with a community of people. If you read through some of my earlier archives, you’ll see how enchanted I was with this blogging community; I even chose to write my Master’s thesis about it! It was so wonderful to finally be surrounded by women who supported one another. And now it seems like these women supporting one another are just doing it in the same way as they did in high school – they’ve formed little Twitter-cliques and feminist groups, only worried about who is tweeting whose links or who is saying things that can be attacked or disagreed with or about who to criticize next for voicing opinions. This isn’t activism. This is cattiness masquerading as activism, which, in my opinion, makes it even worse than just plain old nastiness.

It’s no secret that I’ve been pretty disappointed with this community for a while. But I don’t think I’m disappointed with feminism in general. In fact, there are some really great women out there writing some really great things, and over the next few weeks, I’m going to try to highlight some of those posts (let’s start with Sophia’s blatant sarcasm regarding the Rules of Feminism). I’m honored that these people even give this blog the time of day, but I’m not so much honored to call myself a feminist anymore. Saying “I am a feminist” makes being a feminist all that I am, and makes it tough to do anything that anyone might consider “not feminist.” So, like bell hooks, I’m no longer going to say I am a feminist, but more simply that I advocate feminism. I advocate lots of things: human rights in general, better treatment of teachers, equity in education…. and the list goes on. These things aren’t wholly what I am – although they can be all-consuming. They are simply things I stand for. I’ll stand for feminism, or for a feminism that is inclusive and intersectional. But I won’t let it become all of me.

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Jun 02 1 comments

Activism, Education, Race

Arizona’s Immigration Law and its Effect on Education

This is just a sneak peek of my first post at Equality 101 after our break. To read the whole article, go here!

I do not live in Arizona. In fact, I’ve never even been to Arizona. When I was in undergrad, though, it seemed like Arizona would be an oasis for teachers. There were superintendents and principals at job fairs that were offering contracts to teachers right then and there, without the strenuous interview process that teachers applying in the Chicago suburbs faced. How easy it seemed to be to get a job teaching in the Phoenix area, and how wonderful the weather would be without the stifling humidity in the summer and the snow in the winter. Now, however, I wonder if Arizona is the same sort of haven it used to be for budding graduates from teacher education programs. So much is going on in that state that it’s hard to believe anyone would move there now, in this climate.

I am the eternal optimist, or, at least, I really do try to see the best in situations. I have been told that Arizona legislators had reasons for passing SB1070. I have been told that the state of Arizona is in such a bad economic situation that they had to do something. I have been told all of these things, and more, but I can’t see any positive side to a law that creates such a culture of hatred and racism that people are comparing Arizona police to the Nazis. And now, this law and the culture surrounding it has opened up avenues to effect the education of students in the state and, by extension, the country and the world.

To read the rest, go here.

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May 29 0 comments

Class, Feminism, Marriage & Family, Marriage Rights, Race

Quick Hit: It’s Not About You: Individuals versus Institutions

s.e. smith over at this ain’t livin’ posted an awesome post the other day about the difference between critiquing institutions and critiquing the individuals that are a part of those institutions. Here’s a brief part from the post:

Yet, somehow, we need to figure out a way to do that. We need to be able to have structural discussions about our society which do not devolve into people complaining about personal attacks and lashing out, or people attacking people simply for being who they are. And a big part of that, quite honestly, is for everyone to get a little bit less self centred in these discussions, to recognise that, well, not everything is about them. Even if it seems like it is. Even if it feels like a personal attack to hear that you have privilege. (Read the full post here.)

This post was great, and said it much better than I could have. I read this post just after I posted my thoughts on bride-bashing, and I think s.e. smith touches on some of the same issues here. Attacking an institution should be different than attacking the individuals in that institution, except when those individuals are actively working to uphold said institution. I’ll stop here because smith’s post says it better than I ever could. So go read it!

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May 03 14 comments

About, Class, Feminism, Marriage Rights, Race

An Open Letter to the Feminist Blogging Community

Or: “Why I am Taking a Break.”

Dear Feminist Bloggers ¹,

I think it’s time I take a break. I don’t know if this will end in a complete “break up,” if you will, but it will be a definite break. I am not going to blog or post on Tumblr for 30 days, starting right after I post this, I am not going to be reading any blogs, (In fact, I am going to seriously clean up my feeds) and I am not going to post or read anything on Twitter or Facebook for at least 10 days. I’ve really enjoyed our time together, and you all have been invaluable to me as I’ve stumbled through a thesis using your brilliant ideas and writings, and as I’ve grown into my own definition of feminism.

But, that’s just it. My definition of feminism seems to be growing away a bit from the community’s as a whole, or maybe it just was never the same. I think there is a disconnect between me and my beliefs and many of yours, and I think that disconnect lies in the fact that I am a high school teacher, and I am not steeped in academia or living in the middle of a liberal city. I think it’s easy to have lots of highbrow discussions back and forth when you’re in the midst of many other people who have read the same articles as you or who have been to the same lectures as you (say, on a university campus, for example. Or in the middle of a big city.), or, perhaps, when you’re the one giving the lectures. But, sometimes, it’s very difficult to reconcile these academic ideas with the world in which I live and work. And I think me being out of grad school for a while has only helped to deepen this divide.

Don’t get me wrong; the work of the academics and lecturers is vital to the feminist movement. However, for every academic discussion about feminism (or any -ism, really), there isn’t necessarily a clear, practical application for those of us who are not on a university campus or in a big city, and who aren’t constantly surrounded with people who share our beliefs and opinions. And it is this disconnect that, in turn, causes a disconnect between belief sets.

Let me give you a concrete example of what I’m talking about. Anyone who’s spent any time in undergrad or graduate level classes knows the frustration (or perhaps this does not frustrate you) of reading scholarly articles after scholarly articles that do nothing but talk in circles around each other and add nothing to “real life” but more theory. This theory is vitally important, and change could not be made without it. But it is sometimes difficult – maybe impossible – to practice what is preached, so to speak.

Theory is often a one size fits all type of thing. You’re either going to buy it or you’re not. But there is very rarely any in-between. Take, for example, the idea floating around out there that feminists should not get married. Or that, if they do get married, it should be a simple affair because importance should be placed on the marriage, not the wedding, and “these bridezillas who care about nothing but their white dresses and perfect, expensive receptions, never stop to think about their marriages, and shouldn’t that be the important part?” (Yes. I saw that sentiment on a feminist blog a little while ago.) In my opinion, this just isn’t practical, nor is it correct. It seems based on various bridal shows one might see on TLC, but not based so much on real life. (And this surprises me a bit coming from a group of people who continually critique pop culture; why would such a group willingly buy into the idea that most brides are actually anything like what we see on reality TV and romantic comedies without critique or second thought?) OK, I’ll be the first to admit it: I may be hyper sensitive because I am having a rather large wedding, and we decided to do that because this is the biggest decision we’ve made in our lives so far, and it is the happiest we have ever been, and we wanted to share it with as many friends and family as possible. But we are also very focused on our marriage and getting our lives together right. We have conversations almost daily about our future. The wedding is a day. The marriage is a lifetime. And I think most brides really do know that.

But this is just one example. I have had feminist bloggers who don’t know the first thing about teaching try to tell me how to implement feminism in my own classroom, or tell me that I’m “doing it wrong” when it comes to teaching and feminism. I’m not trying to be elitist here, but I am saying that I do know my craft. And maybe feminist blogging isn’t my craft, but teaching most certainly is. And, as a teacher, I know that I cannot make radical changes or radical theoretical statements in my classroom. They just won’t go over well, and might even get me fired. Theory must be radical, but teaching cannot practically be so. Perhaps that’s where my philosophy of Small Strokes comes in: I am not trying to be radical in any way, but just trying to make small differences. Maybe one student this year might remember the discussions we had about feminism who wouldn’t have otherwise known about feminism at all. Maybe two students might see a boy treating his girlfriend badly and say something about it because of my influence. These things might seem small to you, but they are my ultimate success stories.

I think it is this that makes people look down on teachers quite a bit. (Do you know how many times I’ve been told I could do better than teaching? Or how many surprised and disdained looks I got when I told people in undergrad that, no, I wasn’t going on to grad school right away and, yes, I always wanted to teach?) We’re in a different sphere, making different changes in different ways than, say, the feminist blogosphere. But when I’m teaching, I feel I’m doing the most important thing I can do with my life. Sure, other people might be traveling the world, giving lectures or volunteering or studying (all extremely important activities), but I’m in the trenches. And I’m not leaving. And I won’t ever stop being an activist in my classroom. There has been a lot of talk circulating about the privilege embedded in blogging-as-activism, and that bloggers can just walk away from their writing and their activism – put it on hold for a bit while they take care of other things. I’m telling you right now, I cannot walk away from my activism, for, as soon as I do, I cease to be helpful to my students or to myself. I live and breathe activism in my classroom, and I see things that many feminist theorists may not. But when I blog from my perspective, often, I’m told that I’m wrong or didn’t say it right. (I didn’t know thoughtful opinions steeped in research or personal experience could be wrong.) Frankly, I just can’t handle it right now. Not to get too personal, but I’ve lost a lot of the confidence I felt I had previously, and the incessant criticism that is coming at me because of this blog is too much. And it’s hard not to see blog posts that probably have nothing to do with you, but indict something that you’re currently immersed in and not take it personally.

So, I’m going to take a break. I’ve seen how valuable this can be with Equality 101, and I now want to do it for myself. I want to relax a bit, let this all sink in, focus on the end of school and grad school, and – hopefully – refocus on this blog and Equality 101. I don’t know what this blog will look like afterwards, or what time commitment I will be promising to it, but I know that this is best for me.

So. Hopefully I’ll see you all on the flipside.

Sincerely,

Ashley Lauren

There was some disagreement earlier about me using “feminists” as a general term to begin a previous letter about how upset I am becoming with the feminist blogging community (I shouldn’t add to the stereotype that all feminists feel this way, etc.). However, I am becoming more and more upset with the feminist blogging community as a whole as the days pass, so I am addressing this to you in general. This post will probably make some people very unhappy, but so be it. I need to get it out. If it doesn’t apply to you, then take it for what it is. If it does apply to you… read on. Or don’t. ↩

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Apr 28 0 comments

Class, Feminism, Race

Standard English Privilege and Teaching

This is a cross post from Equality 101.

I wrote a post the other day about Standard English Privilege that has garnered quite a bit of attention. The main argument of the post (I won’t bore you all with the details again) goes a little something like this:

Why is it that so often on the internet I see people revert to the argument that so-and-so writer or commenter can’t spell or construct a grammatically correct argument and therefore the entire argument has no validity in this sphere?

Is literacy so important to credibility here? (One could argue that being literate in this way is vital to the credibility of the author of the post, but is it for commenters?) Or, let me rephrase: Is Standard English literacy so important to credibility here? Or, let me rephrase again: Is white, upper-or-middle class English literacy so important to credibility here? (I am not saying here that you have to be white or upper-or-middle class to have a command of Standard English. Just that it is no secret that Standard English is the language of white, educated people. For more on this, see this article.)

When we discount people and their arguments because of their command (or lack thereof) of grammar, what we are really saying is: Your thoughts are useless because you don’t use the kind of grammar I’ve come to expect from literate people on the internet. What we are also saying is far worse: You don’t have the privilege to have learned the “correct” way of writing or speaking, and, therefore, your ideas are worthless.

In this previous post, I was referring specifically to blog authors and the surprisingly widespread tendency I’ve seen to discount arguments because the commenter “can’t even write a grammatically correct sentence! So they must not be very smart! [giggle]” However, I think this has some interesting implications for teaching, as well.

As teachers, we are taking into account our privilege all the time. Some of us have white privilege or male privilege or class privilege or any number of other privileges, and those of us who fall into those categories must realize that we have these privileges and be constantly aware of them as we teach our students who may or may not have those privileges, as well. But there is another privilege that isn’t very often discussed that is almost a non-negotiable privilege for teachers that we don’t usually talk about: Standard English privilege.

Standard English (SE) privilege means that you, one way or another, have a good command of SE grammar. As stated above, this usually means a few things: 1) You grew up speaking SE at home; 2) you have had access to enough books, articles, and other written works to teach you what SE is supposed to look and sound like; or 3) you have had access to enough education to teach you what SE is supposed to look and sound like.

We know that 1) SE has been dubbed White English Vernacular (WEV); 2) books and articles cost money and parents have to have a lot of time to read them to their children; and 3) education is often expensive. We blog and talk about these sorts of things all the time in our education communities, and yet there are still teachers out there who see three grammar mistakes and hand the paper back for the student to correct it before he/she will read any further. This type of behavior – the type that makes grammar mistakes more important than the ideas in the paper – reeks of white privilege and class privilege. I think my favorite literary character said it best when he said: “That’s something else that gives me a royal pain. I mean if you’re good at writing compositions and somebody starts talking about commas.” ¹ When we mark up a paper with our red pens – circling every spelling error, crossing out every extra word, pointing out every missed comma – and hand it back to the student and ask him or her to revise, it’s no wonder all we get back are corrections of grammatical errors and no real revisions of ideas. When students think all we care about is grammar, all they’ll edit is grammar. Far worse than that, when all we care about is SE grammar, we call their entire literate identity into question, and when we tell them their grammar is “wrong” – if that’s all we tell them – what we are really saying is that their argument is worthless because their command of SE grammar isn’t good enough.

I know there are still a few grammar sticklers out there, clutching to their red pens for dear life. (“But it’s on the ACT!!!” you scream. “We MUST teach grammar!!!”) I’m not saying we should stop correcting grammar all together (although maybe we should stop calling it “correcting”). I’m just saying that with practice and the nurturing of a student’s ideas in a paper, the grammar will come. And, really, aren’t the ideas more important, anyway? What, really, is “good grammar” without interesting thoughts?

Holden Caulfield – J.D. Salinger. The Catcher in the Rye. Boston: Little Brown and Company, 1945. 36. ↩

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Small Strokes

cutting down oppression one small stroke at a time

Category Archives: Race

Privilege and Weddings and Marriage

Name Changes and Privilege

Call for Guest Posts on Feminism and Relationships

I Advocate Feminism

Arizona’s Immigration Law and its Effect on Education

Quick Hit: It’s Not About You: Individuals versus Institutions

An Open Letter to the Feminist Blogging Community

Recommended Reading 4-28-2010

Standard English Privilege and Teaching

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