A Resolution of No
Every year since we’ve met, Tim and I have had an epic New Year’s Eve. Usually, that just means going to a friend’s house and hanging out or, for the past few years, we’ve had people over to our apartment in impromptu gatherings that – as it usually goes – turn out to be way more fun than anything else we could have done.
I love a good party, and I especially love throwing a good party, but about a month ago after a full weekend of Thanksgivings (we have three family celebrations on any given holiday), I looked at Tim with tears of exhaustion in my eyes and told him I didn’t want to do anything for New Year’s Eve. I just wanted to go out and have a nice dinner and come home to watch the ball drop with our puppies and some sparkling wine. His reaction could only be described as grateful, because he wanted to do the same.
I’m not usually one to pass on social events. During most of my childhood and well into my teenage years, I often felt left out of friend circles. I’ve never really been anyone’s best friend (here is a great article on that issue), and I don’t have a sister to confide all of my girly problems in, so when people invite me to do things, I rarely turn them down because I hate feeling left out. If I’m being completely honest with myself here, I am still really hurt when my friends do stuff and don’t invite me, even though they are doing things that I wouldn’t want to do and that’s probably why they didn’t invite me in the first place. Because of this, you’ll rarely find me turning down invitations to functions, even when I’m exhausted and would rather just take a load off at home with the dogs. This often takes so much time away from my home life, and from Tim and my time together that it can put a strain on our relationship.
But this year, despite the multitude of invitations for events, Tim and I decided to take it easy. Now that I’ve been super sick since Christmas, I’m realizing we would have had to do this anyway, but I’m glad we made the decision beforehand. We are going out to a late but really nice dinner close to home, and then we’re going to come home and enjoy some sparkling wine while we watch people partying on television. And I’m more excited to do that than I have ever been to attend a NYE party.
Part of my resolution for the new year is to take better care of myself and spend more time on myself. This means the standard eating better and working out more, but also doing more writing and spending more time at home, relaxing. This semester has been difficult with all of the changes going on at our school as well as trying to adapt to our new house and the new dog, and it has left me without a lot of time to relax. I think the stress of it all has been a major contributing factor to my anxiety levels and sudden acne problems, and certainly to the fact that I have had a debilitating illness that has rendered me unable to leave the couch for the past few days. To think, I used to take Sundays as Tim and my day to, well, be Tim and me. We’d wake up, have a great breakfast, maybe take a hike at a local trail. Now, it’s packed with house duties and paper grading at levels I’ve never experienced before. On top of that, I find myself wanting to maintain my level of social activity like I did before. Not only is this stressing me out, but it’s taking important time away from me and Tim.
In this new year, I want to take better care of myself, and I think part of what goes along with that is not being afraid to say “no.” I need to trust that my friends will still be there, the house will get cleaned, and I’ll still be able to do all of the things I want to do if I take a day off every once in a while to chill out at home. In fact, doing so might actually make my friends like me better and make me more energized for other tasks at hand. I think it will also help me to realize that the most important thing right now is my relationship with my husband. Yes, friends are vital, but so is my marriage. The rest can wait.
I’m starting off 2013 by saying “no.” How are you starting the New Year?
Image Credit: –JvL-