An Open Letter to Men at the Gym

Dear Men at the Gym,

I know how to work out.  Yes, my appearance might belie this fact: I’m small, have a bit of a baby face, I only look about 18-years-old at most (which I am reminded of every time I walk the hallways unattended at the high school where I teach), and I wear pink almost every time I go to the gym (mostly because, when I buy new workout clothes, I’m usually buying them for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.  I have completed 5 of them, one each summer, and I incorporate training for them into my workouts, too).  But it is true, I do know how to work out.  I have been working out at a gym since I was in high school, believe it or not, and I have been dancing since before I can remember.  I follow fitness magazines and blogs, have worked with and taken classes from fitness instructors/trainers, and I have tried incorporating all sorts of new activities in my workout and I’ve only kept the ones that worked for me.  So, yes, I know how to work out.

I also know how my body works.  I have been alive for 25 years.  This may not seem like a long time to some, but I do think it is long enough to gain a good understanding of my body, seeing as I haven’t been able to escape it even for a moment for the past 25 years, 50 days, and some odd hours/minutes/seconds.  I know what will happen if I do certain exercises.  In addition to living with my body, I made a commitment to myself when I graduated high school 8 years ago to eat healthier and, as part of that commitment, I became a vegetarian and started keeping track of my intake of key nutrients.  Between the working out and the eating right, I am, actually, very healthy.

I’m not saying that I know everything there is to know about working out and being healthy – with so much contradictory information out there on the subject, who could?  I’m also not saying that you don’t have any valuable advice to give to people regarding their workouts.  I’m sure, like me, you are well informed, know what works best for your body, and care about your health.

I am saying, however, that what you see me doing at the gym is my workout for my body and my total health.  I don’t work out solely to maintain a healthy body.  Of course, that is a big part of it, but part of my workout is for my mental health as well.  My workout is my “me time.”  It is a time during which I can put on my headphones and tune out everything aside from my self and my body, and it is usually the only time during the day during which I can do that.  It is for this reason, and for the way they make me feel, that I really enjoy my workouts.

So please, Men at the Gym, stop interrupting my workout.  Please stop staring at me.  Yes, I am wearing pink; yes, I am lifting weights; yes, I look good doing it.  But your objectification is unwelcome.  Just because I don’t stay in the girly-weight section does not mean that I have asked for your gaze in my direction.  Also, please stop “correcting” my workout.  I say “correcting” because very rarely do you actually give me advice that is pertinent either to me or to my body.  Usually, you interrupt me, make me take my headphones out – most likely in the middle of a very good song – and look me up and down as you are laughing at something I am doing.  (Most recently, this has been my choice in using a 25-pound weight for a particular exercise.  I might be small, but I can, and will, lift it.)  I need to be laughed at almost as much as I need your advice.

If I wanted advice about my workout, I would hire a personal trainer, and that personal trainer would not be you.  That personal trainer would, in fact, be a woman.  Why?  Because women understand other women’s bodies beter than men do.  Women understand the body image issues, struggles with weight and health, and drastic changes other women go through.  A woman would also not laugh at my workout.  A good personal trainer knows his or her client personally, hence the title “personal trainer.”  He or she knows the client’s fitness goals, issues, accomplishments, etc.  You do not know me personally, nor do you want to.  In fact, from your flippant warning that I am “wasting my time” with my workout, it is safe to assume that you have no idea what, in fact, I am doing with my time during my workout.  It is my time, my body, and my workout, and I would appreciate if you would leave all three alone.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Ashley Lauren

12 replies on “An Open Letter to Men at the Gym”

  1. While it would be great to have co-ed gyms without the hassle (in the ideal world, I guess), in the meantime, are there any women-only gyms you can switch to in your area?

    I have an inkling the men staring at you in the gym aren’t also reading your blog.

    Though maybe you should print this out and tape it to whatever machine you’re working on…

  2. I don’t think you should have to go to an all-female gym in order to feel comfortable and not objectified at the gym. While, yes, that might be an easy solution, it shouldn’t even be a problem in the first place. I think a lot of men go to the gym for the same reasons as you described, so they should respect that in you as well.

  3. starr on

    you know I think that even if you were to have a giant dark pink NO on your light pink workout shirt (on both sides) I think there are men in the world who would take that as a gauntlet. I’m not sure where the blame lies for the mixed and mixed up messages in our society.

    Really well written and down right polite!
    now can you re-write that for the culinary field

    can’t tell you how many times I’ve banished a rep after he said “Honey, go get your boss for me” in my kitchen

  4. Pingback:Fitness Blogger » Blog Archive » An Open Letter to Men at the Gym « Small Strokes

  5. This is tough because women are so conditioned to be polite and are considered more approachable.

    For example, I bet men don’t have to deal with random strangers telling them to “Smile!” for no reason.

    When this happens, maybe you could avoid eye contact, turn your back or shake your head.

    Of course, you shouldn’t have to do *any* of this… and I doubt these guys are going around correcting other men on their weight-lifting techniques.

    Jeez.

  6. Pingback:Twitted by samsanator

  7. Pingback:The Feminist Lens: Juliet, Naked | Small Strokes

  8. Sara M. on

    First off, good for you! Sorry to hear you had to put up with so much crap at the gym. I hope it’s gotten better since July. Second, what are some of your favorite fitness blogs? I’ve been looking around for some since my favorite canceled hers!